Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Just Shit

My pen once again spill words

On an empty page

Lavishly exposing emotion

From the depths of my belly

Deep in my veins

An explosion of thoughts rush to

Escape me

Hurry my fingers

Keep up with the brain

Stop this fountain of madness

From closing

Don't read what you write

Don't write what you read

It will flow as intended to be

And when my pen stops

The tablet shall close

As a sigh of relief engulfs me

Ah, sleep surely will find peace

Tonight

For the bowels of the beast

Have been emptied

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • revsoup
    September 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    H00- AHHH!

    ok, 1st off, i miss you dear friend,2nd - love the coffee motif . next that is the way i feel every night (as you know the day does not exist here in S0UPVILLE) and thats usually how my poems make it out.

    "Don't read what you write
    Don't write what you read
    It will flow as intended to be."
    dont know if you've ever seen it but 'Finding Forrester' with Sir Sean Connery,in one part he says "the first draft you write with your heart,dont think that comes later)the second draft you write with your head." im paraphrasing ,pretty fuckered up at the moment.
    as always elegant writting,words flowing like a seemless streamyet as powerful as a tidal wave.-

  • van
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hey this is exactly wat i felt wen iwas in an off mood once..i just felt i had to write to make me fell better..i shud post it some day
    cheers


  • IronMaiden1236
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Nice!

    I like it!! In your face and no excuses!

  • Bob Fox
    June 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Hey

    I must say this Just Shit is pretty darn good. Either way it can bring joy. lol So write on and smile. for now I am


  • lady8
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a great write from what seems to be a deep poet.Deep thought and feelings released onto an empty page what a wonderful way to let it all out.Great write.


  • Star Shine
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This has such a feeling of haste, in keeping with your theme and message. You describe things so well, so easy for the reader on this site to identify with your words and feelings, experiences. didn't expect this from the title. Winds up to a good ending. Well done.


  • fortyninereasons gold member
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think you do yourself an injustice with the title as it is. For the imagery is good, the metaphor is strong and you have a good imagination. Keep writing. J


  • A Summer Depression
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    omg!

    that is the it rite there thats exactly how it goes when u want 2 write & the ideas are just so numerouse lol i love it!!


  • sapphireangelwings
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ah yes! This is a great description of the writing process and how one can get so caught in it's grip. I find it odd when speaking of it to someone who doesn't write because they don't " get it," and they look at me as if I am nuts! Maybe I am! LOL Good job with this piece! You captured it splendidly!


  • Camille Morin gold member
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I like this very much

    These are feelings I recognize which you have beatifully expressed. Thank you, Camille Morin

  • missylees75
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Great metaphor

    Reminds me of the many nights that I am up writing papers for class!!


  • grannyeri gold member
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very unique metaphor you use here - comparison very out of the ordinary, for sure. title certainly grabs one's attention. Think one needs to read just to see what this is all about. Very creative penning.


  • Grimoire
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    to contradict and confute, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider.
    ~ Sir Francis Bacon ~

    a difficult thing to try to explain how a creative process works, but you have done well.


  • BlueEyeWonder1988
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Your inspriration to many . .

    to words, to cussing (not to mention), to writers of many. That is a good thing It never fails.


  • DryIce808
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ha, I found this humurous. Comparing the expulsion of words from your mind onto a piece of paper to a bowel movement. I particularly liked these lines:

    Hurry my fingers
    Keep up with the brain
    Stop this fountain of madness
    From closing


    Good job!


  • KitLynn
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I loved it. Wonderful way to describe how to write. Very true.

    Good write!


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Good description of how poetry just flows from one. When it is ready to come, it comes. Good poetry cannot be forced.

  • Bob Fox
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Well

    I can tell you this. this write is much more the 'just shit' for it is as honest as a babies smile and it flowed from a magical pen. write on poet


  • bones7
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good job


  • neurosine gold member
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    What's worse is you're pen has a hard to read font...
    This kind of reminds me of a rap song that's all talkin about how it's going to do this and do that...and then it's over. I think the metaphor to bowels is appropriate. Sorry...I know this was a casual read...but umn...I can only dig myself deeper so I'll stop now...

  • Bob Fox
    February 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    I must say this is one fine piece of poetry. Portraying the angst of desires of a true poet. To write and let it out. Others be damned

  • revsoup
    February 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Don't read what you write
    Don't write what you read
    It will flow as intended to be"

    HOO-AHH! well put my friend! im sorry i have been a ghost for so long- im in such a terrible state- anyway never forget that like others from the days of old theres not a night that goes by in which i dont think of people like you. i do believe thats about all that is keeping the final string from snapping. love you ,friend

  • strangerforeigner
    February 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great imagery. Thanks for sharing and good luck in my contest!


  • stompsalot
    February 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i love this piece! it is very talented and i can relate to the emotions. "hurry my fingers. keep up with the brain" totally can relate to this. my mind seems to constantly be in turmoil and rushed so much that i can't seem to capture it all on paper.
    blessings and *stomps

1 - 24 of 24