Newborn to this world
cries, gasping for air and life
eyes open to new vision
Old man leaves this world
cries, gasping for air and life
eyes close to a new vision
Life Between Momentsİ
by Dave Powell
2/6/08
Author notes
This poem is written in the Sedoka form.
A contest entry
- contest for haiku/senryu, cinquain, sedoka by Manoj Sanyal.
370 points, ended February 10, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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well expressed.... simple words with deep thought.
The only thing that I would point out constructively ... that is use of words 'old man'... because it may come to anybody.
Thank you for participation.
Best wishes and good luck,
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Hi dave...I would like to share with you one of my sedoka poems...Hope it helps you...
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3894927 -
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Thanks for sharing, but I am confused by this comment. Are you saying that the poem is bad or are you saying that I am not following the proper form, or are you saying you want me to see your work?
It is all good in any of the above cases, my skin is thick. Just was wondering why you wanted me to view your poem.
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