The city welcomed the snow
like an uncle never seen
The quiet, also, it took in
like a vagabond pristine.
He told inaudible stories
with icy hands and glowing laughter
in moonlit streets and lamp-lit homes
He warned of the morning after.
The children broke the silence
and shooed the old man away
as they giggled with smoky breath
and churned the snow gray.
But at night the quiet came back
and the street lamps gave a kinder glow
as he weaved his tales upon the trees
and smoothed out the mucky snow.
The morning came and nothing stirred
without an echo the church bells chimed
but the atheists stayed at home
they listened and counted the time.
A contest entry
- Nature's Canvas by Charity Ann.
450 points, ended February 13, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I really liked how you personified the snow. I really liked the line, "he weaved his tales upon the street and smoothed out the mucky snow." I lost your train of thought in the last stanza...not sure what you meant at the end. But I really enjoyed this one. The rhyme was nice and smooth and I also enjoyed paridoxical statement "vagabond pristine". What an interesting statement. This was a beautiful write. Thanks for sharing and good luck.
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I really really like this. It's definitely a departure from your other works, but nothing about this felt forced or cliche. You also have a great balance of images and ideas... GOOD STUFF.
Also, I think that this is your strongest 1-2 punch of a great opening stanza and great closing stanza. Usually, one is much stronger than the other (I'm guilty of it too, heh), but you nailed this one. Kudos!!!!
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