The wind that sighs among the heads of wheat
is playing games, with neither thought nor soul;
its whispers lie, the breeze which cools your heat
is whim alone, your comfort not its goal.
Its fingers touch your face with pleasant scent,
its daggers find your bones in winter frost,
the clouds are toys, and storms are wind's lament -
the wilder winds, the greater human cost.
Yet, wind is not to blame for breaking hearts,
it has no ill intent with its misdeeds;
its nature is to come and then depart
without respect to any other needs.
Enjoy the wind, and fly in it, who dare;
the wind will blow away, it doesn't care.
In a list
A contest entry
- Invite only by masterblaster.
1000 points, ended February 19, 2008, 2 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Shakespearean Sonnet Competition: "PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN" WORK ONLY. by Vera Rich.
490 points, ended June 15, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
-
On rereading this poem several times, I began to feel a little dissatisfied with the final couplet,
The use of "who dare" (rather than "you who dare") seems forced for the sake of the rhythm (and yes, we all at times have problems in fitting the words to the form... but the finished product should not reveal this to the reader!). You might, perhaps, consider revising it: possibly
"Enjoy the wind, fly with it, you who dare".
(The inversion of stress - trochee replacing iamb - of "fly with" is permissible in the Shakespearean form, provided one does not do it too often, and here, perhaps might give the impression of am erratic gust of wind).
Also, "it doesn't care" seems a little "flat" and somehow out of key with the rather formal language of the rest of the poem. Do think more about this. -
Very nice, as usual.
Congratulations on the shiny trophy as well.
Good luck in the contest.
-
-
Thank you for your kind comment and applause Jim.
-
-
A nicely wrought sonnet - and a good understanding of how to use the Shakespearean form to enhance the impact of the contents. May I just suggest, however, that "pleasant scent" does not run trippingly on the tongue (well, at any rate, on my tongue!) and might cause problems in reading this poem aloud!
-
Ah...wisdom..."enjoy the wind, fly in it, who dare; the wind will blow away, it doesn't care..." I am smiling because this is so simple and so true and yet to me, it is a new thought. Thank you, Margaret, you've blessed me again. Peace and congratulations on the gold! Rhonda
-
-
I'm happy you enjoyed this Rhonda, I am pleased with it too.
Sorry for letting reply wait so long, and I will read some of yours (I've been preoccupied).
-
-
Your poetry is a gentle breeze to me...
which is, as you have implied here, completely subjective
Well earned gold!
-
-
Thanks Gennelle! Excellent observation - our perceptions are personal and biased, but can still be pleasant. I'm glad it is so for you.
-
-
extremely profound, I just loved this one. These are thoughts I have never thought nor read and their freshness itself speaks volumes of the wisdom of the poet.
-
Absolutely breathtaking, a well deserved gold trophy winner. Val
-
-
Thank you Val.
-
-
Very well done. The sonnet is true to form and purpose. Each quatrain advanced the theme, with the reversal signaled by "yet"; and the couplet does a fine job as summation and application of theme. Each word falls naturally into place, with no sense of straining for either rhyme or meter; and at the same time, both rhyme and meter work, often surreptitiously, to underscore meaning. Congratulations on a well-deserved gold.
-
-
Thank you Michael. I have been practicing with sonnets since 2004, and finally I like what I am doing. I mentioned to you before how I like the sound of iambic meter and seldom find it monotonous. I'm happy that you like this one.
-
-
A lovely sonnet. Beautiful imagery, flow and tone. Lovely depth of feeling. Vivid descriptives. Very nice rhythm. A well crafted piece. Congratulations on winning Gold. Well deserved.
-
-
Thank you Shelley, your approval is worth a great deal to me.
-
-
congratulations !!!
this truly is a gold-worthy sonnet in every way ...
marion -
-
Thank you sweetheart!
-
-
What can I say?
This sonnet, if written by a well-known poet of the recent past, would be lauded; of that, I am sure.
The indifferent wind is so subtly contrasted with the truth of this sonnet: purposeful hurts play nasty games; "its[their] whispers lie" knowingly; and so the parallels go on masterfully. The more I read this sonnet, the more I am convinced that is a great sonnet. There is no hunt for arcane words; no pretentiousness or ostentation.
Lovely. Ron.
-
-
Thank you Ron, this one is going in my book. Your interpretation of metaphor is subtle and exactly what I had hoped for. I always try to write clearly, but one does not have to say everything. Thanks for your terrific support.
-
-
Hi, this poem I wish I had written it echoes my feelings to a T. beautiful sonnet, I think one of your best, Di
-
-
Thank you so much for this contest Di, and the gold trophy. That photograph told me about the wind, and writing it down was a pleasure.
-
-
another masterful sonnet inspired by your talented muse ... coincidence or synchronicity, I just read a poem by amera about the wind and its similarity with women ... maybe there's a hidden message here for me ?
I wish you all the best in this contest - maybe I'll join you, let's see if my evening muse is getting creative, I doubt it, but who knows ?
much love, sweetie,
marion
-
How I love your poetry and miss being a more constant reader (due to life). This is both soft/lovely and richly descriptive--yet with a melancholy tone. Your couplet is perfection. I felt a metaphor beneath.
-
-
Thank you Mary. I wish you could be here more often, but I am glad that you read this sonnet, which is one of my better ones.
-
-
whimsy and satire
Flows as the wind, this gentle and sometimes wicked
imp..a sonnet that rhymes along dancing on fields of wheat..
inspiring whimsy with a pinch of darkness.....inspiring and inspired..good luck in contest..
-
-
Thank you Cap, this contest has been pure pleasure for me, and I am most grateful for the trophy. I am happy that you saw a little satire in the sonnet.
-
-
Stunning
Such a wonderful descriptive sonnet. I can hear the wind whispering. This is lovely and I wish you every success in the contest.
-
-
Thank you Pat!
-
-
A wonderful inevitability
The lines all fit so perfectly where they are, it is as if they had come together needing only to be gently separated into lines!
To say more would only detract from its perfection, but I am left in the sibilant sounds of swishing wheat, wishing winter soon would be gone.
Beautiful!
Terry
-
-
Thank you Terry. Indeed, the photo spoke to me as a wheatfield and one line led to the next.
-
-
This is PERFECT ...
you amazing Sonneteer!
I am breathless after reading this.
One small suggestion, Poetess:
Line five: pleasant scent may perhaps be just that fragrant echo the poem needs?
Love to you and go for gold in this contest!
Myra
-
-
Yay!
Thank you Myra, that sounds much better, and I will change it immediately. Your wording has the assonance mine lacks. Thanks for reading and applause, and your wonderful suggestion.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 32 of 32
