And I remember staring back into those
Blue eyes
In the dead of night
Numb words you felt you "had to say"
Tripping over your lips
Sounding so used and cliche
[but I felt like I had to believe you]
I'd made you my everything
Hadn't I?
You were too quick to accuse
Too fast to say
"Bitch."
"Slut."
"Child."
Where were the meaningless
"I love you's"
and we can't forget about those
"I'll marry you someday's"
Those were the best
Because I knew deep inside
[I would never let you]
It was when you turned to screaming
tires squealing as you
Took what you thought
You'd so rightfully "earned"
Whatever baby
You had lost every ounce of me
By that point
My head was desperate to be
Free of what you made me
So dishonestly feel
I can remember too many
Desperate nights
When I recalled your rough words
And dirty touch
My own fingers bruised the inside
Of my throat
[I spilled myself to the porcelain gods]
Hoping it'd bring me relief from what
You'd so eagerly brought
To the one you supposedly
"Adored"
[sweetness]
Remember?
i'm just a whore
Author notes
Time in my life.
Realizing someone didn't love me.
A contest entry
- *Just Be* by Miss Faith.
650 points, ended February 9, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Usually beginning a poem with a conjuction throws me off, but here I felt like I was jumping into your stream of consciousness . . . maybe because of the title.
The first stanza sounded a bit bitter, and I felt like you correlated the abuse of the words he used to the abuse he directed at you. The lines right after that seemed rueful but more than that thoughtful.
Where you said, "I would never let you," seemed a bit like a reclaimingn of power. "You lost every ounce of me" sounded, to me, more triumphant than anything else.
The final line, though used often, gave new meaning. It summarized in a different way; you kind of blamed yourself, but at the same time it wasn't giving up . . . if that makes any sense.
In any case, I liked it. Thank you.
-
oh, I've been there...thank you for sharing this moment with me...I hope your heart heals soon. Thank you again for entering.
"And I remember staring back into those
Blue eyes
In the dead of night
Numb words you felt you "had to say"
Tripping over your lips
Sounding so used and cliche"
-
It's always hard realizing people don't love us when we truly want them too. And it feels like suddenly everything you believe has been ripped away from you, and its horrible.
I understand.
Anyways, To your lovely piece. I really like it, you tell a story here. It just flows really nice and the feelings that come out of this piece are great. It all feels like a conversation, well a one way conversation at least. To be honest with you this piece makes me really sad. Your just remembering the happy times that apparently are no more... but anyways love the piece, dear.
Sluha the Masked Ninja
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