Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Darling I Didn't

Walking into our bedroom
smelling her strange perfume
            When questioned… you deny…
how do you expect me to believe you?

“Darling I didn’t…”

I followed you to that place…
again the same smell,
          Yep, she’s the one.
The one that you choose over me each night.

“Darling I didn’t…”

Tomorrow when you visit
your precious little lover
        what a surprise I have for you
she’ll have a new smell to her…

Oh, for she has been lying there all night…
Just waiting for you my love…

Darling… I did.

Author notes

you can use your imagination for the filling in of the gruesome details...
PersuingHappyness

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • LearningHow2Smile
    June 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    My comments are not usually so crass as this, nor so capslocked... *ahem* THAT WAS THE BADASS! I loved it, it was amazing, absolutely phenomenal. When I read the title and the preview I thought it was a confession, not a confrontation, and I much prefer the confrontation, or rather the resolution, nay! The rectification of the conflict occuring. Bravo Sis!


  • TabbyCat
    April 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...great ending. the repetitiion throughout really drew it to a dramatic close. My fave so far. Good luck!


  • N e a r
    March 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love how you allow the reader to fill in the holes this poem has - of course, that is explained briefly in your AN. That is awesome. Raw and dangerous, filled to the brim with these taunting and mysterious tone. Love it. Thanks for entering.


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    March 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Holy crap!!! haha, That's cool... I really liked this, I've got a great gory visual from it. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • broken-hearted-poet
    February 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    WOW!

    Haha! Wow! That's what she gets! lol. I totally was not expecting that ending. Very nice! I love how you used "Darling... I didn't" and then at the end you switched the story around and used "Darling... I did." What a wonderful poem... the idea is pretty sick, but the poem itself was wonderful. Everyone has their morbid moments I suppose, even myself. I really enjoyed reading this. Keep up the gruesome writing!


  • Cherubic
    February 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, although morally and ethically wrong in my mind. I will never understand a revenge that goes as far as this. To me the perfect revenge is to move on, perservere and find true love, but I'm a romantic. So that being said I think that you do a tremendous job at conveying the picture prompt. I like the repition you use and the sort of devotion that you show through your words and thought. It also conveys such a strong pain, one that ends up warranting death.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    February 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I loved the repetition of Darling I Didn't... it's really good and it sounds like the kind of thing a lying husband would say. I love the fact she gets her revenge by murdering her, the image of her having a new smell is grotesque. I like the way you ended it with, darling I did... It added a new spin on things.

1 - 7 of 7