Fear may try to hold my heart but fear I will avoid
Shame can lay it's claim on me and shame will be destroyed
A hidden world of shadows holding darkness is it's shield
But to this beast of burden, my heart shall never yield.
Drawn black curtains steal my sight but I shant be diminished
I'll burn the face of bigotry and blaze until it's finished
Everyday that I succeed the higher spirits soar
Each time I stand against disgrace I cast it to the floor
I'll die before it owns me nor can it tear me down
Not letting life be smothered holding on to dreams long drowned.
Knifing through injustice, standing strong I reign
In control of my destiny, fighting off the pain
Darkness may surround me but prisoner I'll not be
And I shall fight this bloody war until my battered soul is free
HcII
Author notes
This is the revised version of this poem. I was given advice on improving it and I think that I have. I like it better now than when I first wrote it.
A contest entry
- February New Members Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended March 5, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you think that this captures the inspiration that I got from Maya Angelou's poem, Still I Rise?
Comments
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I think it is inpirating, not sure if it captures the inspirationi of the other piece, but it does have a nice flow and inspiration. I think if you formated it a bit more into stanzas it would help give the reader time to digest it a bit more
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Most excellent this is! Much enjoyed! Thank you for sharing and good luck to you! Welcome to all poetry!
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welcome to allpoetry
I think you have done very well with this. I could see where the inspiration came from before I read your notes. Thank you for entering the contest, best of luck.
~Kristy -
Welcome to AllPoetry
This was a piece I really enjoyed, you captured such strong emotion and imagery in this piece, just two spelling errors in line 10 and 11, letting and strong, if you fixed both those that would be great, well done and goodluck in the contest
Karen -
nice!
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Thank you so much for the comments on my poem, Denying the Darkness. I appreciate your taking the time to look at it ad offer your opinions. I also appreciate the points that you gave for it. I am new to the site and this was one of my first poems. Thanks
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Good luck to you in the contest and I thought you did a nice job writing this piece. Keep up the good work.
much love always
~~Tori~~ -
very good. love the rhyme in it. flowed nicely. great job.
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Hi there and welcome to the site!
I see the thread of Maya's poem throughout this interesting piece. You use the same kind of contrasts and comparisons, while paradoxing the odds against.
Here is what I would suggest:
Try economizing the poem by eliminating as many 'filler' words as possible. If you'll
notice, Maya uses the simplest of terms, but
each word breaks apart like a fresh orange.
...words repeated such as: 'never,because, and try to' need not be said over a few times because the lines
which follow the first time 'imply' that it is going to follow suit. Would that be clearer? If not, please ask. I will be more than happy to explain.
Thank you for your entry and your trust! Warmly, CookieZeal
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I enjoyed this poem. the symbolism represented within it offered the reader a very detailed and vibrant image in the mind's eye. Keep up the good work. I would like to see more of this and reading it has taught me a bit more than I knew. thank you and goo
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thank you for the welcome and the suggestions. I apprecieate them very much. I will try to take them to heart and make wise use of them. Thanks again and God bless.
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