Conscience

I'm stuck within this prison cell
of endless painful thoughts.
They bar my mind, and rape my soul
and remind of all I've done.

My thoughts return once again
to ancient days gone by-
of my youth and younger years
and crimes commited then.

My crimes are not of flesh and blood
but of emotion stained;
and now they stand before me here
within this cemented cage.

Welcome to my mind
a house of endless stairs and paths
that lead to despair and anger-
frustration at my failings.

I'm caught by such grief as can be
by my unrelinquishable sins.
I believe in grace divine
but can it really love me?

I'll never escape these thoughts of mine;
they bat me back and forth,
and with the anquish and the pain
my mind starts filling up.

Everyday I drown with fear
that all I think is wrong
and everyday the fears subside-
the tide of oceans great.

My guilty sea comes crashing down
it breaks its wave o'er me,
and once again I'm where I started
fearing my eternity of shame.

I look up and down this hollowed hole
and find no mere solutions.
The pain is now building up
and cradled, do I claim a loss.

Today was loss, tomorrow just the same
by guilt and shame and grief.
And yet I live for that day
when I'm haunted no more by this.

Some day I won't be tortured,
racked by my sins assaults and taunts-
some day I'll free my mind-
the day I come to Glory.

That day, however, is not yet
and may not be for a while
and so I guess I'll struggle on
with my personal Satan- my mind.