First cold day of the year
August now forgotten
Muffler smoke plumes from back bumper
Of side-paneled Pinto.
6:02 in the morning,
and she arches spine against gravity
Labor pains require assistance
Scalpels will one day make room for laser
Not today
Forceps were made for the right handed
Dr. Perez cherished his ambidexterity
Plunging daftly inwards
As to parry away a sewer rat
He grasps the newborn
by cranial compressions
And twists, elbows upwards
Soft shudder was felt
Up Doctor's arm
Not a right feeling,
Never sustained in med school.
Something was wrong
Great Gramma Jenny
Walked seven and a half miles
Through pavement gangs
To be with her grandson
As he searches for the Lord
Hands on the windows
Eyes pasted to poster that reads
"No Smoking"
And then he lights one up anyways
For nothing can wrench the heart out of you
Like a counselor
Sitting you down
The mother is told
By an assigned interpreter
The hopes are dim
Rooms are short
And surgery is requiring signatures
Eight pounds twelve ounces
Equal weight to the blood shed by both
Mother and child
In pea green box
Of despair
Two weeks in incubator
Rooms still short
Bandages wrapped around
Sutured head
His parents glow
As heartbeat strengthens
Safely swaddled
Latex dripping nutrition
The finger of promises
Touches
Old as dirt now
Thirty two years
Not old from age
But dirty and old
From consequential living
Born into the dealings
Of a drunk doctor
And a vengeful mother
Who lost reproduction
In the production of a birth
She hates
She spent life of young one
kept him in the bandage
One way or another
Until father got home
Deprived of conditions
Suitable enough for breathing
Child turns into man
By the deep age of nine
And takes his first breath
Outside
And so on and so forth
The Wednesdays flew by
Thirty two years
Nothing much different
But the breathing gets harder
Born into a curse
Blessed with a curse
Same cycle
The same.
Author notes
RyanosaurusWrecks
In a list
A contest entry
- Monday's Child by malmadre.
1000 points, ended February 21, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sentimentality by ellipsist.
600 points, ended February 20, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Looking for a critique? by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended February 24, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best of anything. No cutting poems please. new or pre write. by Misery into Melody.
700 points, ended May 16, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - critique. by DancingRed.
300 points, ended May 3, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I like the idea of this very much so.
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The shame of reading this poem is that the rules state fifty lines I am sorry I wish i could have said somethign sooner but I have been gone all week.
I will tell you this I did listen to your poem and if not for the line limit it was a finalist if that is any consolation.
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you got my attention
I’m gonna be reading more of youi
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The imagery that ran through this was so amazing! It is one of the most memorable things I have read in a while. Quite a story!
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I can offer no critique to improve this masterpiece. It should be published, if it isn't already. It reminded me of Harry Chapin's song Bummer: http://www.lyricsdepot.com/harry-chapin/bummer.html
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"and she arches spine against gravity"
a f***ing amazing line... this piece is filled with those - I like the flow of this - it is a bit choppy, yes, but that is one of the appealing things about it as it seems quite natural in this case... does that make any sense? sorry I was reduced to near vulgarity...
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thank you
for the silver!!
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wow
great write. i love how you started with the birth then went throught he life. that was awsome. i can't wait to read more. maybe if you have tie you can look at mine and tell me what you think.
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Very Good
You begin with all the anticipation of the birth, then take us through the actions and reactions of the delivery. Your use of breathing to emphasize the struggle to live strikes an almost physical response. The last four lines take the story to another level.
Looking forward to more!
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Might I have read this before? I got deja vu in the second verse.
There are strengths here, and it is hard-hitting. Good luck in the contest - and in the two that are already finished.
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This is great!
I like it really much.
But I'm not sure if it's centimental or not bro.
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Gosh
Being over double your age, I don't think that I have lived that long!
Great write, dismal content! You really know how to put it all on the table, hope this is a depiction that was gained vicariously!You ability to paint such grasping images is well beyond the usual! Congratulations, malmadre has her hands full - best of luck in the contest!
bjarne
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My impression is that this is about someone that you know well. The way it is written reflects the rush of thought and the rush of the years since that birth. It reads somewhat like the pieces of 'crash' when at the end it all comes together. Astonishing imagery!
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wow this was really good i like this poem good luck in the contest
brookeann
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