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The Escape To Freedom Sky

 

To have had it all....

 

To have flown so high

in the sun soaked sky

 

To have stroked the clouds

that wisped on by

 

To have inhaled the air

of freedoms wind

 

To have seen all I am

was, and ever could be. 

 

To be whole

to be free

to fit that piece

that was missing from me.

 

 

To have had it torn away... 

 

Of course as high as I did fly

freedom goes with the flick of an eye.

 

And to the ground I did return

to feel once again the captors burns

 

Placed back in the box of scrutiny

my senses crushed, loosing me. 

 

But my spirit soars ever still

with the clouds, the sun and freedoms will. 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18
  • Nice rhyming; something that I am not usually akin to. Although bastardizing line direction to fit a line is something I frown upon:

    [stanza 9, line one]
    "And to the ground I did return"

    There was that and mildly similar in the above stanza, line one.

    I would have appreciated a little more intimacy within the imagery, something to show a personal experience- not just something you can pull out of no where.

    Although, from the poor poetry I have read today, this is well deserving of an applause.

    . Rewarded 8


  • DD Sai
    May 18

    Edit | Reply

    Another great write

    Another great piece that sends me flowing with emotion. Great job, however you should already know that.

    . Rewarded 4


  • aj.vamp
    May 15

    Edit | Reply
    SWEET, this poem is wicked,
    The first half awas unbelievable, and the second half was fantastic. I love it sooooooooooooooo much. i really want to read more of your work now.
    -sara

    . Rewarded 4


  • vega
    May 15
    Edit | Reply
    WOWZZ!!this is a really nice poem!XD


  • vixenval
    May 15

    Edit | Reply
    wow beautiful, i love that it is about reaching a goal, then losing sight of it but powering on. i love how you used to reference to flight, such an image of personal freedom, great choice
  • x-Skyler-x
    May 15

    Edit | Reply
    Realy Love it

    It realy said alot even though it was sorta short.

  • mindpoet
    May 15

    Edit | Reply
    Freedom's more important than money or fame or power; in fact true freedom IS true power. The power to tell a superficially oppressive society what to do with itself.
    Awesome work my friend
    Erik

    . Rewarded 4

  • congratulations on the HM.What I liked best is that it seems such a real slice of life...it is to me about the good times and the bad, and the will to overcome the bad with hope left intact. You said a lot without getting too lengthty and that in itself is an accomplishment, respectfully,
    reenie

    . Rewarded 6

  • good job.

    cool.
  • I like how in parts youm showed some negative attitudes but you always managed to keep it hopeful and it eneded on a happy note.
  • Great job

    You express great emotions in this poem and draw the reader in to the sense of flying. this is a great poem good luck!!

    . Rewarded 4

  • Durlon silver member
    May 15
    Edit | Reply

    well done

    Flows nicely. Good rhyme and rhythm. Good imagery.

  • This is a great poem.
    You are a great poet.
    This poem made me feel like I was in heaven as I read it.
    Keep up the great work.

  • I loved this. It's written with such thoughtfulness and very creative and well done. The ending is perfect. Nice job.

    . Rewarded 4

  • This poem's air streams like an autumn breeze. The volta is at exactly the right place, too. The ending finishes the poem with just that little extra something, but I don't know what it is. Regret? Pride? Woefulness? Whatever it is, it really adds a final touch!


  • montiebatmom
    February 10

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    Very image oriented this piece. I loved it, felt the ruffle of eagle feathers. Thank you for your entry, and good luck in the contest.


  • CanadianGirl1
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    Very Well done!! I'm at lost for words, I mean I really dont know what else to say.
    I do look forward to reading more of your work


  • autumns rising
    February 6
    Edit | Reply
    very interesting yet amazing write. I loved the change of tone, from hopeful to morbid. fantastic!

1 - 18 of 18