Drafts of hurt engraved in stone
The liar claimed he was alone
Flamed in regret of passing times
You're barely worth these useless rhymes
And yet the words in torrents flow
While winds of indecision blow
Was all the effort spent in waste
A dream of love in vain we chased
In specks of dust, the chaos reigned
The storm of hurt within the rain
Detest, despise, sick of your face
A test of truth is out of place
And with each deep and bitter breath
The birth of hope gives way to death
While hearts and souls in earnest long
To find a place where they belong
Progression failed when life defined
the answers found within one's mind
That splattered sun upon a night
And spilt the morn with grey moonlight
Which left the dawn a dreary haze
A memory of brighter days
When dreams of things we thought could last
Slipped silently into the past
Author notes
I worked on this with Leigh
Time done: 5am [my time] && 12am [his time]
A contest entry
- Prewrite Fiesta ... 30 poets by Musafir.
370 points, ended April 9, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Is Illness by AbbyxGrace.
700 points, ended August 18, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything *good will do by DesolatELifE.
700 points, ended July 17, 41 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Now you tell me:
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Ahhh. I really love a good rhymed poem. :]
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Another flaw in this anonymous system they've got going on is that your name is anonymized in the comments, but your picture is not. Hrhr.
Another very nice one. I'm trying to decide which of the two I like most
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is there anything you haven't won a trophy for.
you are good...
granny adores you very much
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GREAT!! you are totally stellar at writing.........i hoppe you continue to write cuz your awesome good luck in the contest
AbbyxGrace -
Great work together.
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thank you
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emotion filled poem with nice rhyming.
And with each deep and bitter breath
The birth of hope gives way to death... it tells the story.
Best wishes and good luck,
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This was just an excellent piece. So much emotion in the words. I loved everything about this. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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In specks of dust, the chaos reigned
The storm of hurt within the rain
Detest, despise, sick of your face
A test of truth is out of place
And with each deep and bitter breath
The birth of hope gives way to death
While hearts and souls in earnest long
To find a place where they belong
This stanza is perfect, I love the whole damn poem, hmmm would you let me put this on my page,
awesome write
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I rather not, sorry
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There is so much I loved about this piece lots of excellent parts in it.
Leigh must be an outstanding poet, just like you.
Wonderful piece Sweetheart. One of your best.
loveandblessings2u & yours always
Granny
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good job!
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thanks
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Beautiful work!
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thank you
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I can feel the emotion in this and it rips and shreads because I've been there and I feel this way sometimes and I know I'm not alone. Thanks. Great write and keep it up!
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When two poets or more collaborate on a poem, the result is usually awesome, as in this case. Liked the flow, the rhythm, rhyme and message shared here. Easy to read and understand. Sentiments well expressed in these lines.
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Amazing.
When don't you write an amazing piece?
Couldn't have liked it more.
It was very impressive yes.
And very well done.
Good job to you both.
...Simply Me♥ -
Wow that's so striking!
Very impressive, keep up the good work! -
That was great. Never have I read a poem that was so long and rhyming. Excellent job. I am sorry that things didn't work out but at least you got something good out of it. Great job.
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I loved this! Not only was the rhythm right on, but the verses are no doubt easy for all to identify with. The rhyme and meter never seemed forced, which is quite a feat when telling a story. Good job!
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Deep, defining, angry, alomst like a rant but much smoother. The rhyme is perfect but more impressive is the meter. The flow is perfectly on target and the emotion becomes more intense as the poem progresses.
Love,
Amera♥
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Thankies sis! ♥
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