Wild child cries in torment.
Her heart pierced in pain
Not knowing what was meant
she cries drops, little rain.
Little feet fly in sand,
going to better place.
As tears wiped by hand,
fall from her angry face.
Mother wraps up her child,
loving embrace so deep.
She loses angry wild;
clings, sobs, and falls asleep.
Author notes
Ages 4-7
A contest entry
- Semi-Quickie by Laura Lamarca.
500 points, ended February 8, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE BEST YOU CAN DO! please enter... :) by LilMrsAttitude.
1600 points, ended March 30, 2008, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enhancing Reading and Reading Awareness (A Readership Program) by Hashnah Sheviatte.
700 points, ended May 16, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems According to The Age. by The.poet.of.hearts.
400 points, ended February 17, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Criticize freely, I need input to improve
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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great work
thanks for your participations
Likeness, Age comparison, words,Beauty, Ideas, Thoughts,Title, level of poetry
these all contains 100 marks, and i will mark out of hundred to let you win
and yo have scored 65.5
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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Nice one!!!! I will accept if you will add something to make the lines lively for the children as the readers,. thanks,..... God bless !!!!
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cute short and real. reminds me of my daughter.
always trying to understand something beyond her years
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this piece is very well written. It's very innocent, with a touch of development. I would suggest that you read the second stanza through, because it feels like you left out words in that one, like in the second line, where I would say "... to a better place"
Other than that, very well written! -
I absolutely adore that first stanza but felt that the following 2 were a little flimsy. Thanks for entering and good luck in the judging. La x
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Good
This is a beautiful poem that is so innocent in its statement and delivery that it calms the heart. Your words are simple, yet so strong and layered with emotion. It flows well and holds your interest from start to finish. This poem comes alive within the reader's heart as the story unfolds gently before them. Some of your words need (minor) attention in order to enhance the flow.
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Oh... This is a very unique take on the prompt.
Well done and best of luck to you in the contest.
Delila
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