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Loss of Self

Alone I sit,
each breath collects

reflection misted,
imprisoned and framed

within the window pane.

Trembling slightly;
eyes scan outer darkness

              

                 for any sign,

cursing,

   my meek heart
   and overactive mind.

 

~

 

Love's creations
sleep soundly,

                 

              down the hall.

Keeping me planted at home,
worrying 

and rembering...

    

days I was once free

                       to roam.

~

Somehow; It seems,

only I have changed.
So deeply fallen,

 

              a surrender complete.

Wiping away the
seeping loneliness,

highlighted in lunar light,
my dampened fingerprints~

                  ~wave me goodnight.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 47 of 47
  • sleepinglion
    June 17
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    Lovely thoughtful poem
    Love's creations sleeping soundly down the hall. - wonderful
    david


  • Kimmy21
    June 9
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    a very good poem, very depressing in a way but lovel


  • suseann
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent verse on something I've yet to pinpoint that lingers in my own mind. It seems parenthood as well as married morphs us into anew. We become changed and tend to loose our individuality more so than not. Very well stated in poetic term.


  • karma-n-peace
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    "highlighted in lunar light,
    my dampened fingerprints~
    ~wave me goodnight."

    A very powerful write!


  • usefuldistraction
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    Love the title, tells me this is going to be an important write. I'm not disappointed in the least. love the tension between obligations and desire...Beautifully woven poetry!


  • Cannonsfire
    November 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very deep penning, the children that keep you homebound while still wanting the life outside the responsibilities. Soft and sad here C


  • gllarso
    September 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice, a very deep and emotional poem, again I love your descriptiveness. "Love's creations", beautifully written.
    I only have one small correction "rembering" should probably be "remembering".
    -Garrett


  • Image and Visions silver member
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Impressive

    What a great job of expressing the prompt you were given. It really reads as something written by genuine emotions. (maybe you used that real life as basis for it)? I found it to be a compelling read, with your use of wording and well used metaphorical style I was very impressed. Image and Visions


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

    Excellent. You have worked this piece brilliantly Beauty! Well done.



  • Lady Ireland gold member
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow!
    You did well here with your imagery and i found it sad, but a great poem. It's very emotive, i love these type of poems, so full of meaning and depth.
    Great stuff
    Slán
    Dolores xx


  • nilav
    June 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    even in the loss of self there is happiness because we lose ourselves to 'love'....


  • Beret55 silver member
    June 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think this is one of your best.


  • Asdzaa Nadleehe
    May 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing write...
    I love the power and emotion of this ...
    Beautiful..
    Many blessings
    ~A~

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    May 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    There is lonely and then. . . there is lonely. A danger truly of love, of falling deep, and filling roles.

    And to have given so completely of self for those creations of love sleeping soundly down the hall. There are moments I think, when all Mom's miss those times when they could just pack up and go. But when I think how truly little time they truly belong to us, I know there was no sacrifice, only the receipt of the gift.

    Beautifully crafted piece. Your poem has touched places in me that, as a single parent, I have known. thought on and been enlightened by.

    Well done beauty. ~Pamela


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    April 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    excellent~

    I say you took the prompt and ran away with it
    This is perfect sis....I love it...
    So very emotional...and a thought provoking poem to me as well....
    Best of luck in the contest...
    This is a winner in my book
    Hugs
    Susan~~~~

  • lostskylark
    April 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you captured the story and aftermath of love so elegantly and simiply. and never once do you say anything straightforward.

    my favorite type of poem.

    you very talented keep writing.


  • LOVESbiggestENEMY
    April 17, 2008
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    omg i love it!!!

    your work is sooo good you should publish a book


  • Desire gold member
    April 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!

    You took the prompt and ran with it
    Magnificent piece and Love the images...
    also the emotion from the Heart~
    this swelled the eyes

    Somehow,
    I was the only one to change.
    So deeply I've fallen,
    a surrender complete.
    These lines grabbed at Spirit

    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~

  • know one
    April 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome!
    I love the dicription in this poem
    great write!!


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for sharing your favorite poem with me, best of luck in the contest.

    ♥
    whisper


  • penman gold member
    February 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Oh my very well done. Great job. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Denierim
    February 16, 2008

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    So beautiful... I love the fact that I can see such strenght, depth and weakness in this piece all at the same time... It's filled with emotions I wouldn't know much about but you were able to make them very much the reality for me. Just simple stunning imagery here too...

    You did an amazing job with this one! Thanks for sharing this piece with us and welcome to the group!


  • stavykm gold member
    February 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very deep piece. Written with a wonderful flow to it. It is a very sad poem of being alone at home. Great Write. Happy Valentines Day and thank you for your comment!
    Blessings
    Kelle Marie
    stavykm


  • warrior-eagle
    February 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love's creations
    sleep soundly down the hall.

    Wow!
    I hope you do well on the contest!
    This poem was great.
    And welcome to the group.

    ...Simply Me♥


  • motel silver member
    February 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a very good write concerning isolation and loss. the last lines, concerning the wave are well done. thanks.

  • OurxBeginning
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting piece. Very deep and powerful. I liked the title it fit so well with your words. Keep up the good work.

  • Desire gold member
    February 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Oy!

    Powerful imagery also emotions that seep into the veins...electrifies throughout

    Magnificent!
    Wish You only Happiness Beautiful
    It takes Strength to pen from the core within
    Thank You for sharing Your Heart also Voice~
    Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • Exodus gold member
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh dear, this was so sad. That last line, coupled with the feel you build so well through out the whole piece has me wanting to cry. Absolutely beautiful. I'd wish you luck in the contest but you don't need it


  • Breathing-Fate
    February 10, 2008
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    Wow I really like this good luck in the contest!


  • LadyShiva
    February 10, 2008

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    Wow! I loved the way that you drew this from the prompt! The words chosen, effectly represent the feelings and emotions from this poem. I think I got chills! Thanks for sharing.

    Lauren


  • Swan song gold member
    February 10, 2008

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    You are totally awesome!!!! Has any one toldyou that
    very very lovely


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    February 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is an amazing and deep piece and your wording is so beautiful and effective. well done and welcome to the group

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    February 10, 2008

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    This is a great piece dear Sister it is sad to have these feeling I am here if you need to talk much love always


  • TizMoi
    February 10, 2008

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    Excellent

    Welcome to this lovely group. Really enjoyed reading this. With great thought and sentiment this is a really good poem penned by yourself. I can so relate to this at this present time in my life. Thanks for sharing.


  • seamaiden
    February 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    If love be dangerous I would follow it to the ends of the earth through these words. This is so beautifully written with such vivid images. What a wonderful choice for Todays Poem. Thank you for sharing with me and best of luck in the contest. Keep writing poet. seamaiden ♥


  • Ephiphany
    February 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent choice to share and spotlight

    Ephiphany♥


  • pnktrky
    February 10, 2008

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    like the way you seperated the lines it makes the poem flow so well while not taking away from what is said.


  • SignifyingNothing
    February 10, 2008

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    This is excellent. I love the 'near rhymes' and the rhythm is perfect. Beautifully put together, this is a really nice poem.


  • Wolf Mistress silver member
    February 10, 2008

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    Well...what can I add to all the comments below...it's true...we all had thoughts like these once in an overactive mind...in an inactive love...

    I really loved your take on this prompt
    and welcome to our wonderful group
    your writes will be read and read
    XXJeannette


  • LittleMoon silver member
    February 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very lovely write that you can feel the loneliness, disillusion, regret and, although love for the children is there, the suffocation of being trapped by love. Too many of us have been there and you express it so well.


  • Quiet places
    February 10, 2008

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    Outstanding!!

    The essence of this poem is vividly attractive to me as a reader! Understanding these thoughts that pass in one
    s mind of days gone by. The feelings in your poem are matched with the mental picture of a crossroads in one's life that no one else can live but the thinker. Excellent job on this poem my dear, Don


  • grannyeri gold member
    February 10, 2008

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    Liked the flow of these lines, the metaphor, alliteration and sentiments expressed in this sad poem; good interpretation of the prompt.


  • thepoetssoul
    February 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful imaginative penning indeed.
    This is filled with great imagery
    I love the last Stanza really hit's home
    Impressive metaphor touching poem
    Best of wishes to you


    Tony


  • Todays Poem Box
    February 9, 2008

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    A beautifully penned piece of sadness. This poem has been nominated!


  • PerfectImperfection
    February 9, 2008

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    This is such a very deep piece of thought penned. Something I can relate to on many levels. The emotion sends waves of lonesome tide, to survey these shores. Great penning here sis!

  • tara wilson gold member
    February 9, 2008

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    I have also been in a relationship where the dust of my past, the 'dust' of me stared back in the mirror, I was gone - this is an excellent metaphor, a really, really excellent poem, good luck in Lane's contest


  • Pure Thought silver member
    February 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great contest entry. Know my heart breaks at every word of this.

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