Darkest nights/ Darkest days

Fading into this darkness
as I watch everything
come together
the truth about my
mother and father.
They have a love that
is not true and it has left
my mothers heart black and blue.

My father with his anger
and love is something
that he really never knew
he has only ripped
her heart in two.

I watch as they fight and now
with an EPO there will be nothing
but tears tonight.
I watch as she cries because
a new life for her is way to new
where you don't have to fight
and you don't have to argue.

But there is one thing that they
can not see and that is
they are killing my inner beauty.
I feel like I am in the middle
and I am to Young for this stress
I can hardly sleep because
I am afraid that when I lay down
I will take my last breath.

My mother yells for my brother
when she is asleep
and it makes my heart weep.

He doesn't want to talk to her
because my father has
programed him not to
he just manipulates my brother
and that is another thing that
tears my heart in two.

          ~Mom~
I know that all you wanted
was the best for your kids
but you have lived through all
this pain and you didn't realize
that we also did.

Growing up in a broken home
and living with all this hate
I don't know how to truly love
because I am so scared of the
heartache
I know that there isn't much
more that I can take because
I am on the edge of the glass
and it is getting ready to break.

For so long I have held all
this pain within and now
all that is so deep
wants to tear through
my scarred skin,
as my heart wants to fall
to my feet because I have no use
for it not when it is this weak.

So I cover my face to dream and
my eyes to cry because to who ever reads
this I promise you can cry on the inside.

I just wish that everything would be okay
as my mother tries to have a new life
and I just want her to know
that she can count on me now
not only as a sheild from pain
but also as what god chose me to be
        ..her daughter..

My father is angry and says that everything he
owns is going to be taken away
loosing the home that is for him and my brother
the only thing I can do is stay away.

I wish that I could fix my father 
I wish that I could mend my mothers heart
I wish that I could fix my brother
but he is so far gone I don't know where to start.

He talks to himself and in public he doesn't
know how to act
he has no friends and barely family
but he has me
and I don't think he realizes that
or maybe he just doen't want that to be.

He was once so gentle and fun but now
he only wants to give out pain
squeezing me and trying to break my bones
I have to run away
with the image of him looking me in the eyes
after making me cry and i remember the words
he would say,
does that hurt i hope so
you should just stay away.

So inside should I stay or what should I do
I turn to god now hoping that he will help
mend my broken heart and my battered soul,
because if can help my family
then that is all that would be the only
things that matters because
I am afraid that for me I will
never feel whole again.

I will always be this shadow but I don't care
if only god can help you
my mother,
my father
and brother
god that's all that I ask of you.

I have sinned and I ask for forgiveness
and I offer my soul to you.
I only wish I could fix my family,
make them happy and give them everything
that they could ever want or need.

But for now my heart shall continue to bleed
as I cry alone in these darkest nights
as my heart inside bleeds as once again I
     
        f
          a
            l
              l
                  to my knees.

My heart shall forever bleed as
every night shall follow the darkest of days.