.
Monochromatic images,
just a dreamer
smiling
while inside
mourning
the loss of sun-beams.
.
A contest entry
- 10/18/15 Quickie by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended February 6, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short pieces - Prewrites Allowed. Bring the good stuff! by Amunet Wolfbane.
1000 points, ended April 1, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what did you like (didnt like) be specific
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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The trophy is well-earned, sweetie!
Short, but so poweful. You're truly talented. -
"mourning the loss of sunbeams" Congrats on the trophy; it was well deserved!!! I love the imagery you penned in to this poem. Beautiful work.
Warmest,
Mylee -
A Good change, it is much stronger this way. Excellent
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As a whole, I like this piece. My honest opinion of it is this. I think that it would make a greater impact without the 2nd line entirely.
Like this:
Monochromatic images
smiling.
A dreamer mourning
lost sun-beams.
or
Monochromatic images,
a dreamer,
smiling,
mourning the loss
of his sun-beams.
Just some thoughts there. Just seems to make more of an impact without that 2nd line, it's almost too much info, doens't allow enough room for the mind to weave. -
*dreamer?
very very prettyful...
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short, but utterly amazing.
nice job.
~r-b
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This one is very beautiful. Loved the choice of words, beautiful and expressive.
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this is beautifully written.
i love it.
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