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Abyss of sorrow....

I ascend upward of spiral staircase of cloudy abyss

Trying to bring back the person who I once loved but now miss

Coming up here seems like a dream that was yet to come true

But my sorrow will drown when I can seem to locate you

Step by step, as far as I go

Why did you die

I shall not know.

But my heart is still filled with anguish and torment

But your soul gives me motivation on this wild ascent

Finally my journey concludes

As I glare upon the pearly gates that lighten my mood.


I ask the gate keeper where do you dwell

I miss this person dearly and never got a farewell

The man gave a sharp grin

as the musty mist began to settle in

Which purges my heart from those dastardly sins.

However when your faces tiny fragments begin to disperse

This isn't paradise or bliss

This is something much worse


Soon my surrounding mimic your actions and begin to fade.

And now ceases this ridiculous charade

Now I am awake resting in my bed

Nothing but an illusion all in my head.

The only part of that vision that remains correct

Was your departure from this world leaving nothing but a dramatic effect.


But still seeing you one last time is all I ask

However taking you for granted doesn't stoke anything but my unfortunate chance.

Those days drag on since the day you died

And now your gone and only God knows why.

A contest entry

Any suggestions?

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • LittleMissLonely
    July 7, 2008

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    amazing

    wow, I really love this poem. It is deep and manages to reach out to those who have lost someone. Great job!


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    February 28, 2008

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    This is a lovely piece of work. One suggestion, I think it would work better with out the spaces between lines and just separating the stanzas instead. Would make each thought more concise


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    February 26, 2008

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    Very strong and emotive piece, I must say...
    On many levels, I could relate to this
    Wishing you the very best of luck in this contest; welcome to all poetry

  • Seeking Peace silver member
    February 16, 2008

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    Welcome to AllPoetry

    This was a good piece, you put your heart into it and I could feel it, just a few things, line 4 I think you meant can't not can... the rhyme was a little off in places and made it seem just a little disjointed but the overall feel of the piece was good, we do ask that you place the option number you chose to base your poem on in the author notes, so if you could do that, it would be great. Goodluck in this contest

    Karen

    • PrayenForHayden
      February 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Sorry im new here, thank you for your comment! What do you mean by putting an option number? I know that might sound idiotic but I have no clue..


      • LionessK silver member
        February 17, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        There were two options for the contest, write using the quotes or poets for inspiration was option 1. the pictures were option 2- then picture 1, 2 and 3. what we are asking is for you to just edit this scroll down to where it says "any notes" in the edit area and put down the option you used there. If you have any other questions just let us know.

1 - 11 of 11