I was a kid about thirteen years old,
with a weird sense of humor or so I've been told.
I grew up loving nature and going to lakes;
Lifting up rocks and searching for snakes.
I used to come home with snakes in my pockets
and laugh when mom's eyes bulged from their sockets.
I bought some and caught some; My collection soon grew.
My bedroom was quickly becoming a "Zoo",
with all kinds of critters; All sizes and ages,
creeping around in twelve lit up cages.
I had an Iguana; 'Humphrey' his name;
A rather large lizard who was quiet and tame.
So many times, I would let 'Humphrey' out
to roam the room freely and crawl round about.
He'd climb to a shelf fastened high to the wall
and then, go to sleep and not move at all.
Some visitors came on a hot August night.
A rather large woman whose pants were too tight.
Her husband was with her; a real little guy
wearing a sweater and stupid bow tie.
They came for a visit with my mom and my dad
with vacation photos of the good time they had.
My Dad started yawning, then got to his feet;
"My son has some critters he would like you to meet!"
"His room is a zoo!" my father was stating,
then, up the stairs, we all were parading.
The room was dark and I turned on the light
and a dozen cages were lit up and bright
showing lizards and snakes of various size.
'Little Guy' with 'Big Wife' gaped in surprise!
The husband showed interest and asked many questions,
but his wife in tight pants had another impression.
At first, she was nervous; Snakes gave her the "Jitters"!
She didn't like snakes or similar critters.
Still holding her photos, she began to relax,
peering in cages, pants stretched to the max!
'Little Husband' with bow tie then started to say--
"It's amazing how they can pose them that way."
He was looking at 'Humphrey' perched high on the wall.
My five-foot iguana not moving at all.
He and his wife thought 'Humphrey' was stuffed.
I expected the worst and then, sure enough--
It was that very moment, 'Humphrey' decided
that he'd move about and 'Big Wife' got excited!
She jumped back and Screamed; Threw her arms in the air!
The Vacation pictures flew everywhere!
Still screaming; Arms flailing, she ran for the door
almost knocking 'Little Husband' onto the floor!
She surged to the hallway and onto the stair!
Her screams in the night filling the air!
She was out of control; A hysterical fit!
I was silently praying that her pants wouldn't split!
Like a 'Soaring Blimp' she hit every step!
Such a 'Large Woman' with vigorous Pep!
I watched as she ran in those pants, oh so tight!
Her Rear looked like two "Trash Bags" having a "Fight"!
Author notes
*pic. courtesy of Photobucket.com
*A Dedication to 'Humphrey'!
I kept Humphrey as a pet for over 10 years.
He was raised from a baby of about 8 inches to an adult of over 5 feet in length!
This is a 'TRUE' story, and in all my life,---
I have 'Never' seen such a large woman move so fast!
In a list
A contest entry
- #47 Something to laugh about by daviscth.
475 points, ended February 27, 2008, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Her Laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Talking Toni.
800 points, ended March 12, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Heaps of good options, please enter! by Peachy.
600 points, ended February 29, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me laugh by NeuroticMIKE.
309 points, ended February 25, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire Me by Little Blue Bird.
650 points, ended March 16, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you find exotic pets interesting?
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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A Terrific Poem
Great true stories like this are always the best!
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You've got to be one of the most creative writers I've ever "met", Al. You never fail to crack me up with your wise old tails. Great job with this image-rich tail. Reminds me of some of my old stories!
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hehehe nice! This was pretty funny
thanks for entering my contest! -
Wow
OMG I am soooo going to have to make a humor contest as soon as i get enough points....good job...you made the finalists -
Hahahaha. This was great! Excellent rhyme scheme! Nothing sounded forced or unnecessary. Great work!
Good Luck
Erika
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a great poem i have already commented on this poem good luck in my contest and thank you for sharing your poem
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Side splitting fun
I was almost on the floor rolling with laughter. Great Imagery, flow, and rhyme. I must say though that I sympathize with the woman, I don't like snakes or anything that might look like a snake either! *shivers* Thank you for entering the contest and good luck.
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I do find exotic pets intersting
wow i love this poem it has a great flow i used to
come home with snakes in my pockets and laugh when moms eyes bulged from their sockets
seeing her run in those pants oh so tight looked like two trashbags trashbags having a fight this is hillarious i love it good luck in my contest
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Fantastic
What a funny poem and I absolutely loved it. I'm laughing right now. You did an exellent job with ryhming all the way through. Thank you for sharing with me and your encouragement, wishing you the best in the contest.
Many Blessings
Kelle Marie
stavykm
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Haha
fantastic!
God luck in your contests!
:] -
Excellent
I just wish you could see the look on my face right as this very moment.
I gotta go visit the ladies room..................................
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Sorry about that.
Now, where was I?
Oh yes, there I was.
I can't stand snakes, so now you know the rest of the story.
LOL
Congratulations on both of your Silver Trophy wins as well as your Honorable Mention Trophy.
I truly got a "kick" out of reading this.
Thank you for keeping the laughter alive.
Keep up with the great work.
Keep on penning.
Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful talents.
*S* Cynthia
P.S.
Oh, I forgot to mention. Best of luck to you in the next upcoming contests.
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Some, not all.
Very funny, I must say I was like Trash Bags, Ok I doubt it is actually about trash bags and I kept reading and was like, "so when do the trash bags come into play..?" and then right at the end. I guess I should of figured that. Good write, nice rhymes. You did well. Thanks for this amusing poem. Good luck. -
LMBO This was too funny. I was dying laughing. I just can't help myself. Enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest.
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Just perfect!
This write is easily one of my favourites so far. The rhyming scheme flowed perfectly, it was correctly punctuated (I'm slightly anal about punctuation), and it made me laugh so hard I almost fell off my chair. Congrats on a fantastic write and good luck in the contest!
SV -
my verdict!
its the only one of the entries so far that even made me slightly chuckle,
therefore, your on the finalists list.
congrats.
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lol, I laughed so hard while reading this. Excellent job, I loved this!
Great rhyming and awesome story, brilliant!
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I agree, it was like watching a cartoon in your mind lol!!! I guess you could also call her "the bad lady"!!!
I love this entry!
oops..I meant to say BAG lady! -
Amazing! This is so funny! You're right it has cheered me up, the playfull tone all the ways through is just so much fun. The feel of the piece is like watching an old cartoon through your words and it is amazing. Great write!
Sincerly,
Em
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you have such a variety and they aint weak styles im so jealous! at least you can write well yet again, a great piece, really funny
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A Funny Piece.............
of poetry here and alot of fun to read all the way through with the impeccable rhymes. Kele is sure to be laughing at this one!!! Thanks for your entry and the best of luck in the contest!!!~~Toni!~~ -
LOL. Well this has without a doubt got to be the most awesome feel good poem. I can't tell you how much fun I had reading this. Thank you so much for posting it.
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Hello there and thanks for entering your poem was very good and very well written best of luck to you and thanks again for entering..
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this one is great and funny!! that gave me a good hearty chuckle..lol..thank you for that..
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That was great, the things that are seen through the eyes of a child.
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Hahahahahhaa!!!! You don't even know how close to home this hits!!! My son brought home a python a few months ago now and I HATE snakes!!!! They scare me so bad its not even funny!!! I would not go downstairs for the longest time, but the things we do for love of our children. Someone had to care for that stupid thing while he was gone for a few days....and than a few weeks ago he showed up with a leopard gecko!!! And now he is talking about adding more....... This was so funny to read. Thank you for sharing!!!
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Excellent write. I could really picture the whole thing! It definitely made me laugh.
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Oh my goodness, that was extremely funny. Awesome rhyming too, it wasn't forced. Great job, it did give me a laugh!
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awesome
you are very thoughtful
wonderful piece!!
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Nice!
Thank you for trying to provide some humor for me in the state I am in! You are thoughtful! Your writing is very good! I look forward to reading your other work! Thanks again! -
real good write. great rhythm and rhyme. most vivid imagery. the message is clear. thank you for sharing this. you are very talented. keep writing! God bless you always
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Haha, adorable!
Definitely a cute piece but besides that it also had a really nice flow to it!
Made my day
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LMAO...THIS IS A GREAT WRITE. GOT A SMILE OUT OF ME!!!
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Pardon the jargon but LMAO!!!!!! That is so funny! I can't stop giggling!! Good luck and I really hope you win this one!!!
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LOL They can run when they want to thats for sure this was great thanks for the link.
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A wonderful and very funny tale you have told. That must have been a very interesting evening in your house!!!
Thanks for sharing it and good luck in the contest....Sue
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Wonderfully funny and you paint a great picture of the couple and the situation.
Great job.
Jim
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Great write, I love the way you put your memories into such a perfect rhyme very creative. God bless
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funny
This is an awesome poem!!! lol im laughing really hard as i picture how big of a woman can run so fast!! wonderful imagery and rhyming sceme!! i can only imagine what thoughts were going through her mind when your iguana decided to move!! lol great poem!! much much love!!
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lol lol oh no this is something else
i am laughing in stitches over this one
good luck in the contesr
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I can just imagine the scene you described. Your description of the guests attire made the poem say something about their personalities. it was a lot of fun to read.
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trash bags
Hi, I just want to tell you that the poem was very funny and your words make vivid pictures in my head -
lol... that is hilarious! good luck in the contest!
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I love this aww its so brilliant haha
The story was so funny and I love the part when you brought everything home and created a little zoo.
I know that one all so well! and even though most love to visit, some just freak
Hugs x -
lol.
Great the way you got it into rhymes.
Can't tell you how cool it is to have met another reptile fan here at AP.
By the way, my female dragon is laying eggs as I type. 12 so far! I am so excited!!!
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