He rode into town on a prairie schooner made of celery and grapes. It looked like some kinda finely sliced spring onion had been used to construct the wheel spokes... But anyways... This son of a bitch was looking for trouble, plain and simple. His heavy, dusty boots hit the dirt with a wet squelch as he stepped down from the wagon. He tipped up his hat, an upturned canteloupe, to survey the town.
His eyes met with mine. A head of cabbage lazily rolled by.
A bead of gravy perspiration dripped down my cheek.
"This here is Cowtown, boy." I snarled down the street. "Fruit and veg ain't welcome here."
I gently stroked my pistols; two reliable old wieners, their juicy barrels glinted in the evening sunlight.
The veggy-boy was packin' too. A chunky .44 cucumber.
"I's just passin' through, sherrif. I ain't lookin' for no trouble."
He could sweet-talk all he liked. This sucker wasn't goin' nowhere. I dusted the salami off my shirt and watched him walk towards the bar. The sting of citrus filled the air.
"Just where do you think you're goin', mister?"
It finally clicked in that big dumb salad's mind that he wasn't leavin' this town without goin' through me. The streets were quiet; the butchers was just closing up for the night. I squared up with the outsider and took a swig of chicken stock. The drink had a kick.
"If this is how it's gonna be, sherrif, then I guess you'll be going home tonight in a casserole di---"
I flicked my hotdogs into my palms in a fragment of a second and before the fruit salad could finish his sentance he was tasting hot popcorn chicken.
I took another swig of gravy and wiped my chin, holstering my weenies as the sun dropped below the mountains.
A contest entry
- Ghost towns, Gunfighters, Train robbers... by kidwithgun.
675 points, ended February 6, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Gimme the pork
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
pork!
Hopefully we won't have to unleash the might Salad Puncher whilst the Sherrif is in town. The message to vegetables everywhere is clear; 'YOU IS NO MATCH FOR MEATS'.
-
pretty much BA
Yes. I like this very much so. I like how it's a story, but not.
And the most awesome part? SWIG! I fricken love that word. IDk.. maybe I'm just a retard & words strike my fancy but whatevvvvaaaaaaaa's clevvvvaaa
It sounds so country. It's f'ing hilarious. I love it.
-Micaela
-
ha ha ha... this is awesome! very original, i like how it's not really stylized, some of it flows and some of it doesn't. that to me is kind of refreshing. but it's a great story and it kinda makes me hungry!!
thanks for entering. -
I was puzzled by "prairie schooner" and from then it was all downhill. Mind you I was confused when I saw "Vegetable Wars" and "Meat me in Las Veggos" at the cinema.
-
I love the contest idea, that is so awesome. I am a huge western fan and I found your piece quite entertaining.
This was really great, well written and I have to say I LOVED that last line with the gravy. 
Niiiice touch. Not that you should need it but good luck.
-
LOL this is funny! I really like it!!! It's very original. I've never read anything like this before...and I kinda like it! I really do!! Good luck in your contest!!
Ms. Hippie -
hahahaha, definitely unique! An enjoyable read, all it's missing is a "Pea Shooter" lol. Very well done.
Rory
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
