Blue and green swirl around in a haze,
Cheeks flushed red, 'cause baby
I love the way you look at me.
Like I'm exactly what you need,
Everything you could possibly want.
Your flesh on my flesh, your breath in mine,
Your hand belongs wherever it falls.
Your eyes are blue and they swim with fishes,
Mine are green and they belong in the ground.
[will you be the river that flows through me tonight?]
Author notes
option one.
and wow, i havent written in forever, and i did this especially for you. sorry if it isn't very good love.
♥
A contest entry
- *Just Be* by Miss Faith.
650 points, ended February 9, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thank you for favouring me! =) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended March 26, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I loved this, especially the first stanza, it's so telling but very beautiful. I thought the last line sounded kind of like a euphenism, but I'm unsure if it was or not. Beautifully written though, so touching and delicate, beautiful and serene. Love it.
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'Blue and green swirl around in a haze,
Cheeks flushed red, 'cause baby
I love the way you look at me.
Like I'm exactly what you need,'
i lovelovelove that, it's so, awww lovely, it's indescribable because it's so real? I'm not making much sense, so you can just smile && nod if you wish lol [=
♥
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why haven't i commented on this yet bby. I love it. I love the way that you write. It's wonderful. The imagery is really great. Love this bbydoll
xx
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sweetly different
keep them coming you have such a lovely way with words and it is very well written . dont ever doubt your talent because yours is great
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excellent poem! the first line confused me at first, but i fell in love with it after i read the whole poem since you kinda relate back to it at the end of it. great work and good luck in the contest!
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ooohh I love this. very sensual and beautiful.
good luck in the contest. You'll do wonderful with a piece as great as this!
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Woah, this is really good.
Great write.
I also love how you gave the colors such deep meaning.
Good luck in the contest!
♥
ShelbieLynn
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that' really sweet.
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that was really nice even though it was just a couple of lines. it was really cute
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I loved this!
so pretty. and simple. I love the way you brought all the colors into it also.
my favorite part.
nicely done.
"Your eyes are blue and they swim with fishes,
Mine are green and they belong in the ground.
[will you be the river that flows through me tonight?]"
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I like this a lot. It makes me think of delicate sexiness! haha. I wish you the best in the contest. Much love.
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beauuuuutifullllll.
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Short, but it's still very nice and loving, an oh so true as well.
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i love that you mentioned green and blue consistently and that your colors are those too.
very nice. cute. -
nice
This sounds like something I wrote for my husband when we first got together. I love this piece. You should be proud to hold such a talent. Take care and keep writing.
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the first stanza reads more like a song, I think it would be better as "because", but that is just my personal opionion. the last line brings it to a dead end, aabrupts quickly, but with some work I think this would be a beautiful write, the words you choose are wonderful!
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I liked your imagery. Good work.
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This is a fantastic piece of work! Really stuning, I loved the imagery and the last line was the best I've read in a while it has such a great quality that I can't pin point but it's incredibly masterful in its penmanshipe, great work
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I liked the fact that you set a mood of innocent love making throughout the poem. It's easily read and I enjoyed the fact that I could tell what you were thinking at the time. Write more, I'll probably read them.
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