Like a bed without a cover.
Like a rain cloud without rain.
Like a fire without a flame.
Like a bird without a nest.
Like a car without all the parts.
Like a team without a coach.
Like a mop with sweeping dust.
like a man with lust for a woman
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Everything is somthing without, so why the sudden change in line 3 when the fire is the one thing WITH something? Is that significant?
Mylee -
This is beautiful... I love the comparisons you've made here, but I still feel like, just as I begin to really feel the impact of your poem, it cuts off abruptly. You really need to work on making your poems a little longer, but not so long that your readers, like myself [who are totally A.D... Ooh, shiny! *cough*], get a headache.
I definitely think this could be added to, but it's a great start... Good job!
Laura
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