I wish I said the following words to your face….
I was young, innocent maybe even naïve; I gave you my most precious gift, my virginity. Then I let my heart open and warm to your love. I was ready and willing to walk the road of life with you.
Being my first love I thought you were perfect.
Then I found out on your weekends off when you disappeared for days, you were taking pills, partying and cheating on me. How did I never see a warning sign? Why did I never question that I couldn’t get you on your phone? And the big one, why did I forgive you?
I moved in with you, I honestly wanted it all. My mum got less attention from me and I live with that guilt everyday. I tried to get you to come to one lunch to meet her, the most important person in the world to me, but you were always to busy. An excuse already, ready!
She died, my heart had shattered in a million pieces and what did you do? You went to the fucking pub!
Someone I was not even that close to had to stay with me in my most desperate hour, while you drank away the night.
I should have woke up when you made yet another pathetic excuse and got out of my own mothers funeral, but stupid me loved you and was to afraid to be alone.
I slept next to you everyday, made love to you and gave you my all.
I supported you everyday, when you came home and whinged about this bitch or that idiot at work.
But….
My life came crashing down before me when you knew my sister was coming for a weekend visit, you waited until she was nearly at our house when you told me it was over.
You gutless bastard, waiting until you knew I would have someone there for me.
I was so young only 18 and I felt like I gave my all, what did I do wrong I ask the skies.
She held me, comforted me and helped me with what to do next; you sat at the pub and drank like you always did.
Eventually I moved to her town, I needed the support but shock horror your reign was not over. Still trying to get over the hurt, the times you had cheated, lied and taken drugs. Another twist of the knife came when I find out you had been cheating on me with my best friend, that bitch you worked with, that you whinged about everyday. Your constant whinging driving me nuts but it was all lies. I should have read more into it cause you were fucking her and coming home an fucking me, god it makes me sick…Still to this day…But wait you asshole I forgot there’s more you had to get her pregnant too.
Now, the part, the other part almost to painful to mention…..Can I? Will I?
I gave up our baby for you, you said “I don’t want any children, we can’t it’s too soon”. My mum not around to help me I listened, I did what you asked. Trust me I do not regret it one bit, who would want a child to you.
It is just you will never get how much that hurts, that was my true stupid love for you and now you’re a father.
Well I hope it is a living hell.
I moved on, I got over the intense hurt you caused me and I even became stronger in time, because of that hurt.
I never let another guy hurt me like you did; I will never be walked all over like a piece of shit, used or tormented.
I have the greatest love of my life now, he will be mine forever. Everyday he treats me like the queen of his heart and he is the king of mine. You are just a blip in my past, a memory I only thought of now just to get this out….
Goodbye!
Author notes
This is from the angle of being used by my spouse. I have sort of put it in letter form. The title says it all lol. This si all true, not one word is a lie. This was my first serious boyfriend, my first love.
It is a dark write but it was good to get it out
In a list
A contest entry
- All Used UP by CherryOnTop.
900 points, ended February 22, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Congrats on Gold very well earned
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This is a great write, guys are such schmucks... haha... best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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Thank you
Cindy
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I have to top my hat off to you because you were actually able to write about this. And it wasn't just that it was the amount of detail that you used as well, you wrote with such clarity and details. I think you needed to get this out 'n I'm so glad that you did. The pain and the anger and the hurt you feel/felt come through wonderfully!!!!
Woooooooow.....
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I salute you. I have decided not to enter, but to read writes such as yours. I have never been used or abused, and will therefore never know the depth of your experience or shall I say: experiences. My heart goes out to you, but then I observe the growth within you. I do, however, know what it is to say goodbye to a mother [and father 13 days later], but I cannot 'match' your hurt and pain - to me this is precious and personal, but in your sharing of this, you grow and help others. My blessings to you. Frans
Ps:
Thanks for the 'colour' change!
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I am sorry for your loss, that would have been awful for you. I thank you so much for your kind words, they touch me and mean a lot. This wasn't easy to share the encouragment makes me feel better and makes it so worth it
And thanks again, its my pleasure to change the colour lol, never want to make it hard for anyone
Cindy
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Woah......where is he , let me at him.....so sorry that you had to endure all this, but so happy you have found someone that treats you like you deserve.......peace Cindi....
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This was rough. You obviously went through a lot here. I felt I was reading the thoughts in my own mind sometimes. I am sure that it was very cathartic though. The positive is that you have found someone that treats you like the queen you are. I have found that my self after my trip through hell with the devil. Thank you for sharing it with us.
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Please would you consider another coloured font. Writings such as these are too precious to 'page over' because we cannot read it. Thank you. Frans
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my polgies, I already changed it once, I honestly thought it was better, thank you for letting me know, I have changed the background all-together
I hope now you will leave a comment about this for more
Cindy
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This is so very painful to read. Yes darling you were so used and abused.Sorry bastard as he was.I am sorry but people like that disgust me to no end.To think of everything that you had to endure at such a young age.If you still know where he is we will hog tie him and let you do just that. Say it to his face hunni..The fact that he was your first love made it bad enough.Because it is so hard to forget your first love anyway with out all of the bad things happening.My prayer for you is as time goes God will help mend your mind and heart. I hope in some small way this helped you to release.And if ever you need to talk.You will know where to find me.
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Aw ur comment made me cry Momma, thank you so much, I love you so much and I am so glad you hosted this contest indeed for the sake of a good vent and getting it out...When I know where he is I'm calling you hehe and we will do exactly what U said , sounds perfect
Cin
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this is a dark and emotive piece that brought tears to my eyes. the tale is gripping and the reader can almost place themselves in it. amazing auntie
you are a strong person and I am glad to have you as my auntie
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Thank you my darling, your words touch me and give me strength
Not as glad as I am to have you as my niece
Cin
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