Muffled crys, tears of pain
Silent hope of freedom gained
Love and laughter, are no more
Battered life bleeds on the floor
Heart is broken, spirit gone
Can't give up, yet can't go on
Despair is mine, all hope is lost
Get away at all cost
Thoughts of death passed through my mind
Dark deep grave, no one can find
Give him pills, knock him out
Get the kids, no more doubt
Pack a bag, head held high
Now is not my time to die
Muffled crys, tears of pain
Will never be our lives again
Now it's love, now it's laughter
Now it's happy ever after.
A contest entry
- Picture prompt by creationsfromheart.
450 points, ended February 8, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tempt My Heart - PW by Melissa Burns.
600 points, ended March 22, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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For me, this write was cliche.... I have seen so many with very similar phrasing... it would have been stronger if you found a creative, powerful way to portray the topic and emotion, I think...
I do commend you for the good flow / some of the rhymes though
Thanks for the entry. -
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Thankyou for an honest opinion, I'ts hard to be stronger then the real thing and sometimes reality is so very cliche, but the contest was good and i did get to read some most excellent pieces
Thankyou for taking the time to comment
Be Well
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A willing effort! Wow!
I understand all too well this pain, and as well the joy that comes from making that one decision ...
"Now is not my time to die"
Very vivid and thought provoking and eloquently stated ...
Wonderful ...
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You are very kind thankyou
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This is strong, deeply felt poetry.
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thankyou for your visit
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Heart is broken, spirit gone
Can't give up, yet can't go on
I enjoyed the power in this poem, thanks for entering it into my contest
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I am taken back to a time in my own life where I felt this way! You captured the sadness and the tragedy so very, very well! Emotional piece written very well!
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What doesnt kill us makes us stronger, I hope all is good for you now, thankyou and Be well..
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Very well wrote
Boiy those this one hit home for me. as always u bring out the emotions and a vivid picture i can see. u wrting jsut gets better hugs n xxx keep up the good work -
i really like this one . as always u paint a good pic w/ ur poem keep up the good work
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Thankyou for your lovely comment
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very very good
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sad yet so strong excellent write!
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As always...beautiful words
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It's sad to read and I do hope you made it up...
The flow is outstanding, it reads so smoothly...
Good luck in the contest,
I think your words are great for the picture prompt...
XXJeannette
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Thankyou for your kind words
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Wow that was knock me on my ass good
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Its a sad when people have to go through that, thankyou for your comment
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...(speechless).
A poem worthy of the picture. Such a sad reality. -
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thankyou very much
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As always, heart felt and true.
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thankyou
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excellence!... how truth well done the words ring out..... thanks for sharing
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Thankyou for your comment
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