A ruthless wind stirred the aspens,
the August moon rose, cloaked in clouds.
I stood in its dim light at his grave that night
reflecting on what I had just vowed.
“The job ain’t finished”, I muttered,
“We started this outfit as two.”
“But the Devil’s seed who have done this deed
will be buried before I’m through!”
We had hoped to market our cattle
after a few more weeks out on grass,
to the miner moles who quarried the coal
on the far side of Crowsnest Pass.
We had rounded up some brush bred
and branded them with the 2 R Bar.
Then pushed them west, towards Crowsnest
and the men being fed coal tar.
But the foothills range was sought after
by outfits much bigger than ours,
and bank notes of the dead were signed off with lead
as men succumbed to their powers.
They rode in with carbines blazing;
these cowards, well mounted and masked.
Enforcing their will, they shot to kill,
no demands or questions asked.
We rode for the trees on Linx Creek,
desperate to save our hides,
though when I glanced back, they had shot poor Jack
and there on the ridge he died.
They wolfed me through bush and muskeg,
relentless, they pressed on the chase.
Then the sun sunk low behind a plateau
and I vanished without a trace.
They buried Jack where they found him,
on a marker they scratched “A Thief!”
“Shot from his saddle while rustling cattle”
He went to hell without a beef.”
A month passed by before I ventured
to visit my friend on that hill.
I placed some stones upon his bones
then promised I would avenge him still.
In Crowsnest, the men were drinking
at the Cosmopolitan Hotel.
The cattle long sold for the miner’s gold
and the whiskey the bar man sells.
I entered with my Stetson pulled down low
shading my face from their eyes.
Then as I came close, it was as if a ghost
had caught them by surprise!
As one they reached for their handguns,
but my shotgun fired at close range
cut short their attempt as I smiled with contempt,
a man bent on revenge and deranged.
Four blasts were fired, seven men fell
before I was shot in the back.
I went to my knees, satisfied and pleased
that I died avenging Jack.
Author notes
As with all my poetry, I appreciate constructive feedback so that I can improve as a writer. Please give it to me straight, I'm a big boy, I can take it.
In a list
A contest entry
- Ghost towns, Gunfighters, Train robbers... by kidwithgun.
675 points, ended February 6, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Sheriff Brazos Old Western Roundup" by ennovy.
1750 points, ended March 1, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In Honor of reciving 100 HMs by peridotPixi.
681 points, ended July 8, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #185 for Winklings & all friends of Winklers by Lyndon.
2100 points, ended October 11, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Damned fine write ...
as far as I can see. It appears that a few other people agree with me, judging from the shiny cups I see above. The rhyme is very well done, which is rare nowadays, and I really can't find anything that looks to me as if it needs changing.
Good show.
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This is by far one of my favorites in the contest. I love the whole of it, the internal rhyme is delicious and it reads wonderfully out loud. The story is strong, I can see some lonesome cowboy singing this one by a campfire.
Thanks for entering, Best of luck in the contest.
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You tell this story with authority and grit. It feels authentic in its setting. The rhythm and rhyme work very well, especially the internal rhyme on the third line of each verse. Although the number of feet varied, the flow did not suffer one bit.
Fine narrative; good ballad. Minor errors ... its, etc.
I enjoyed the poem.
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I just dropped by to read some of your wonderful cowboy poetry, this one is a favorite, I really like what you did with the rhyme especially on that third line in each verse, consistent all the way through. The rhyme is not forced either and tells the story so well. I will remember this one!
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Well, here it is, straight. I don’t see how the poem could be any better. Did you have to think out the rhyme scheme or did it come to you like that? I LOVE it when mine comes ‘packaged’. Very VERY good. Linda
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Thank you for the beautiful entry to my contest,
I like this poem and the last line is touching that you died avenging jack
I like how you tell about an old western and the rhyme flow is great
As always keep up the wonderful writing, ~ Amy
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Your natural story tellin' abilities really shine on this one. The added rhyme only added to the enjoyment. Cut down in a blaze of glory! Sings of the old west in a convincing a trail-dusted voice. Very cool.
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thank you for entering! this was an enjoyable piece to read! you did a very nice job! good luck in the contest!
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Great
This a great story, The rhyme is but salt and pepper on a great meal. Good show Lad.
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GREAT
Hey I love this...read western books by the trunk load. I don't think the lines are forced..I just think the poem carried along fine. Not a great writer am I, but I sure know what I like. -
This was a very enjoyabe and entertaing read, though I thought in places the rhymes were forced and the length of the lines were a little out of reach, as compared to the start of the write.
Someone that commented your poem from another contest compared you to Robert W. Service, and I would agree that your story-telling ability matches his. But he never wrote anything that didn't rhyme or meter, as far as I know.
However, this contest is not based on rhyme or meter, it is based on the ability to tell a good story, in whatever form it takes, and you certainly have done that, my friend. At this point, I am placing you close to the top of my trophy list.
Thanks so much for entering our contest.
Brazos -
You did a wonderful job of telling an engaging story ... and your rhyme is flawless and flows naturally. Great job!
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You took me there and back! loved it.
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Excellent Write
Great rhyme, balance and flow to this read, The story line of this poem is pure western. Loved it! Thanks for entering...................novy
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Well By Gawd, Give 'Em Hell
and take a few of them with on your way out, I always say. LOL
I absolutely love this one, Rory. The way in which it flows so effortlessly, given the context of the ballad. The apt adjectives falling at the right moment, yet not overcrowding the story itself.
A true piece in the western literature genre. Grey and L'Amour would truly love this as well. Thanks for sharing this slice of Alberta.
Richard
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I didn't read the other entries and as usual, don't have too. That's my priviledge and I intend to maintain it. 'Nuther story, 'nuther great piece of work. You do consider this 'work', don't you? I mean if your gonna play in the literary world, it ain't fun, it is work. Ok, I know you recognize this as effort and work, so there is no arguement there. I guess the only arguement is when are you gonna play your game in front of the 'big' boys? You know there are all these self publishing formats that will get you no where? I'm talking about you making a package and sending it somewhere that matters. So when ya gonna do it, huh!? Awaiting your reply. RC
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Excellent
I commented on Rod's site, but it was every bit as enjoyable on the second read. Btw I appreciate you posting on Rod's site. We need more of your kind of poetry. Rod Nichols was a great guy, and a great poet, who passed away on Dec. 22, 2007. He would be proud to see your work on his site.
John -
DAMNATION!
Forget Jack, it time to Avenge Rory! If I like your poem better than paltry piece of cactus-picker poetry that took gold, then you got robbed pardner. Sorry, but this calls for a hangin' a shootin' AND a scalpin'! I think the Judge is crookeder than a hunchbacked sidewinder chasin his tail. I say we round us up a posse, get plenty o' rope and set matters right! You in?
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Excellent
For me, this write is reminescent of the old movie "Billy Jack", which I believe is from the late 60's or earlier '70's. A link in a moment for those not familiar with it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Jack -
I really enjoyed this write. Good story and it holds you from start to finish without you even thinking about rights or wrongs so it must of been a perfect flow. You only notice when things jar. I do admire your flare for this sort of subject. I will return to read more. Thank you.
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....you give me goosebumps.
period. love, lane
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A compelling ballad, my friend. There's a certain rough-hewn quality about it that's entirely appropriate to the subject matter. It reminds me somewhat of the ballad poems of Robert Service.
Bill
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the only thing i would like to know, if you wouldn't mind telling me, is how it is personal to your life or what it really means to you..
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though not personal, this is loosely written about events that happened in the Crowsnest Pass area of Alberta, near where I'm from, at the end of the 19th century. The Cosmopolitan still stands. To make it personal, I suppose I could tell you that I've had more than a few pints of beer there! lol
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to be honest i don't have anything bad to say about this poem. i'm very pleased and very impressed. thank you for entering this.
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