Nyx sings of her shattered mirror with its pieces
caught beneath her velvet skin, white and gleaming,
illuminating the stories of the gods to the resting world.
The honey man sleeps in the caverns of her soul, always
trying to tell her where the moon is hidden, whispering that
somewhere behind the shadow of the earth, it smiles like the devil.
Her heart races like a cosmic dance that
sounds like crickets and cicadas, it
beats like scarlet chaos spinning
in her inner river Lethe.
she listens to its sound, numbing,
deafening, like a draping black
dress engulfing her very
being in night.
Author notes
about the goddess nyx.
i have heard of nyx, but there was a story on the link shown on the contest about her origin that i have not heard before, and i think that it is really interesting. i used the general ideas of the story and came up with this ^.^
tell me if there is anything that i should fix!
2/4/08
LXF
A contest entry
- Greek Mythology Contest Series-S2 by Carpe Noctem.
600 points, ended March 12, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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To fix? Never!!
loved the structure, narrative,
used to full creative use and painted a
wonderful scene
s 
Lib x x 
s
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ytbwi
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Beautiful, I was just writing something now long ago inspired by Greek Mythology, too bad I wasn't on this site when there was a contest going on for it! I find the concept of the river Lethe intriguing, and apprecaite your mention of it. Sometimes the classics must be revived, well done.
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I felt the descending syllabic count gave the tale
an interesting affect...much like the stars being
pulled down closer, closer still until one sees
the dark within the glitter. Mythology isn't easy
to write and here, even a novice can become immersed
in this tale. I do have a couple of suggestions I
feel will help with the flow as the verse itself
along with the words chosen needs no improvement.
"that" ends a line in at least two places causing
a stutter for the reader. In example:
"trying to tell her where the moon is hidden, whispering that
somewhere behind the shadow of the earth, it smiles like the devil" where I might tweak it a bit:
"trying to tell her where the moon is hidden, whispering...
somewhere behind shadows of the earth,
it smiles like the devil"
eliminating not only 'that' but also one of three
"the's" found in these lines. Words such as a,the,
that, etc...slow your verse and can take away from
the impact of your words. Thanks for the read! Blue
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thanks so much for the suggestion! it is much appreciated! i knew that the phrasing was a bit awkward, but i did not know how to fix it. i will make those edits soon! thanks!
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Wow, you've penned some beautiful imagery. Your word choices are excellent. Congrats on the well deserved trophy.
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I liked this very much
I had never heard of this before but found it very interesting and might look into it more
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This is amazing... I'm so glad you decided to look at this contest
... I love how you write, it is simply beautiful, the imagery, the language, everything! I always enjoy your poetry my friend good luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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Hello there lisa. Just wanted to point out some things I absolutely loved in this: Her heart races like a cosmic dance that
sounds like crickets and cicadas, it
beats like scarlet chaos spinning
in her inner river Lethe.
Beautiful, just beautiful
God, and mom thinks I am the writer in the family....she obviously hasn't seen your poetry
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