Of course it hurts,
It pains me so ,
To know that you don't care,
I'm positive you can't understand,
You don't feel the same way
I'm well aware;
It hurts to look in your eyes
And see that in them lies hope
Hope for the future,
Hope for your life,
And it makes it hard to cope;
For me there is no hope
No way to change things now
He has your heart,
And you have his,
You've exchanged your true love vow;
But what hurts the most is thinking back
On how things would be without him,
Because with him he brought clouds
To shade my whole life,
Making my exsistence quite grim;
The worst of it all,
The sharpest of pains,
The deepest of scar beneath my skin,
Is knowing the way things would have turned out,
And knowing what would have been.
Author notes
option 5. I honestly think I developed a bit of sympathy for Jacob in writing this. I can relate. I HATED him before, but after putting myself in his shoes, I think I understand a bit more about him. So yep... this is written from Jacob Black's POV.
A contest entry
- Stephenie Meyer's Based Series Round 2 by LoneFairrie.
525 points, ended February 18, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~♥~ Hopeless Romantics and Other Sad Love Poems ~♥~ by Shassidy.
525 points, ended April 21, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think!!!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is a great piece! I read the author's notes before reading the poem, but I don't know who Jacob is. I read a different poem that made reference to the "Twilight" series and this reminded me of that, but I'm not quite sure. In either case, this is a great poem. The emotion comes through really well on this and it shows a lot in the last line especially, which also is my favorite line. The title reflects the poem well and is not too overused, but the idea is clichéd. The one thing that I noticed in this was the punctuation. There were a lot of commas in this and that was a little distracting, but the poem itself was really good. Anyway, great job and good luck in the contest!
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You mean the Battle Scar one by pinkiepolly? Yeah, she's my friend. (Just for the record I DID NOT steal her idea... I wrote this first...)
And yeah, the idea is a bit cliched, but I was writing using this quote for inspiration:
'The worst part is knowing what would have been.'
'What might have been.' I sighed
'No.' Jacob shook his head. 'I'm exactly right for you, Bella. It would have been effortless for us- comfortable, easy as breathing. I was the natural path your life would have taken...' He stared into space for a moment, and I waited. 'If the world was the way it was supposed to be, if there was no monsters and no magic...'
So naturally, using a kind of cliched quote, you're gonna end up with a kinda cliched poem.
And, lol, yeah, I have no earthly idea how to puncutate a poem, but when I started out I used NO punctuation, and I got flamed for it a lot, so i just try and stick some in there. But idk what to do with it really... writing poetry isn't something I was really taught how to do...
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Loved it! Now that I got one of these too I can leave you comments on them! Cool!
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Nice write! I love Jacob, so I'm glad you could see it from his POV... and write well about it, too. The last few lines were so sad...
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You almost made me cry!!! I'm glad you developed a bit of understanding for Jacob! In all honesty I'd reather see Bella with him then Edward, but then where's the story? GREAT GREAT GREAT write!
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