I sit here on this cold winter day,
wondering why you've faded away.
I remember when we'd sit,
and hold hands by the fire,
you gave me hope and confidence,
to be with you was my desire.
Now it seems my paradise
was nothing but a dream,
I told you of my wreckless past
for which I can't redeem.
You held me close and said to me
it's time to let it go,
and how you had completed me,
I guess you'll never know.
You said that you cared for me,
but always doubt yourself,
I gave you way to much to bear
and placed you high atop love's shelf.
When we left that sacred place
we lived so far apart,
the sleepless nights and all my pain
upon my broken heart.
You said you had such love for me
but did you really care,
you were so emotionless,
were you ever there.
I thought I wanted someone
who could hide emotions well,
my regret,
my hearts in debt,
but I will never tell.
It seemed your love for me was forced
you played it by the book,
I never should have fallen deep
and now I feel the hook.
It is piercing through my heart
and driving through my brain,
realizing you don't care
it brought me so much pain.
I sat one night
upon my bed
and had thoughts in my head,
how you would've never cared
if I would end up dead.
time went on
and I still think
of what you've done to me,
I wonder if this pain will leave
and I could be set free.
As I write,
I wonder if
you long to hear my voice,
but upon that I can't dwell
for we have made our final choice.
Author notes
Me being visually impaired I went to a summer independent living program that lasted 5 weeks and met Rachel. The nights we spent together were perfect, the first real relationship I've ever had. Though distance doesn't matter, what you put in to it does. It's not that I harbor any hatred towards her, after all it's not her fault. Her parents work in the funeral business. If I had to deal with death every day, I guess I'd be emotionless as well.
A contest entry
- February New Members Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended March 5, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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hunni..this is a wonderful write..you always seem to write things so perfect.I'm glad I have you to inspire more of a perfection in my writing as well as my life.
and don't worry, you aren't the onl one who's first didn't work out..ifthat was the way things work then everyone would be married and too far ahead of their lifes later on done the road..and most people would be married to asswholes anyway..lol.
Anywho, thank you for everything and sharing this write..It was a most heartfelt write.
love you,and hope to talk to you later today.
Sarah
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first relationships are always a true learning experience and so are each and everyone thereafter. It always seems the first can make us all the more jaded since during the first one, we all have that notion that its forever-and-ever. the thing that people forget it seems is that as we get older, our expectations evolve as well along with who we are. it is important to find someone who can accept, understand and go through these changes with us and us them.
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this really broke my heart, not only because I can relate but the words and pain are so well composed!
Great writee
-angg
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What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and your still writing so you must be dealing with this fairly well. I'm sure you heard it before but long distant relationships seldom turn out all thatwell. Theres friends of the road and friends and of the heart. If both poeple don't share the same vision and share the same dreams it wasn't meant to be. look at it this way, out of something really bad something really good happens and you'll be there to reap the rewards. girls are like buses ever ten minutes another one shows up. make sure your there when the right one shows up. Rudolf
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I'm a huge fan of simile and metaphor, so loved the analogy
Yes, you know it's funny that you mention how one's biggest weakness can become a huge strength.
We've since severed ties but my pain and sorrow led to a front page entry, one that more importantly is connecting me with people such as yourself.
I'll tell you a little story about how it made front page, it's extremely ironic. My "sort of" current girfriend was actually the one that nominated this, which is funny because it's about my previous engagement.
I wrote this one in February when I first joined the site so this is one of my first AP entries.
Both situations in there own way tie in to each other, in each event or engagement my life seems to put itself in, there's an important lesson to be gained from it.
So an event that ripped me apart for weeks, has vicariously become one of my greatest turning points, the end of an epic which chain links to a new beginning. So as a symbolism, Rachel's the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Glad you enjoyed it, and your profile peaked my curiosity, so I look forward to talking to you, and reading your works sometime.
United through poetry, as myself and my current love are. Wow, today's a day, overflowing with irony. I'm glad everyone likes it. I never thought that this would be my "greatest hit."
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It is sad. Writing this surely helped you espress your feelings, They were well expressed.Now is the time to go on. Remember life always goes on.
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Great but Sad!
Oh my god..this talks to me so much!!..every single line ..I relate..the distance..the emotionless, ect..
I am kind of dealing with someone in the same way possibly..
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This is amazing, and so extreemly sad. Brandon, you're a great poet, but you went through hell to get this good.
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OMG
i love this poem to death! it is amazing and deep and expressive . i can't wait to read more! -
This is a great piece to read, I think if you formated it a bit differently it would break it up and make it easier to read and digest. But I do like it alot
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Truly expressive; a very open outpouring of your heart and soul
I truly wish you the best in all life has to offer you!
Good luck in this contest! -
Welcome to AllPoetry
This is a really good piece, heartfelt, real emotions in this, I too would appreciate knowing which option you have chosen, if you could pop it in your author notes please... perhaps one small suggestion of a line break here and there just to break it up a smidge... but a beautiful job, well done, goodluck in the contest
Karen -
welcome to allpoetry
I have put so much into your words.. a vivid feeling. Nicely done. Thank you for entering the contest. (please let us know which option you have written for).
Best of luck.
~Kristy -
Hi there and welcome to the site!
I sense the difficulties of this situation and respect how hard it was for you to write this.
You give a good example.
It needs some tightening and some words left out, but overall is a good contender. Thank you so much!
Warmly, CookieZeal
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Very nicely written but it reads a lot prosaic.. Just give it a pause here and there, break the lines and make it poetic
Then this would just be outstanding.. well done dear and good luck.
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welcome to ap
very expressive. i normally don't enjoy rhyme, it seems so forced but this was pretty good. seemed to go off in a different flow near the end. i also think it would improve by making lines rather than leaving it in paragraph form. the author notes brought more of a punch. well done and best of luck
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