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Beat

Pound to the chest,
but still I'm not impressed,
not until I can go,
into rhythmic arrest.

Make me feel, make me hurt.
Can't wait to be healed,
So I simply return.

Don't help me feel, make me feel,
hit where it hurts.
A pound to the chest.

I would love all comments and I'm very open to consructive critizism...

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Comments


  • Red Death
    February 4, 2008

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    AHHHH! Awesome, this poem is great, kind of have to read it a few times to understand it, which can be a good thing, I love the first two lines, though I think it might be better if you said "Pund to the chest, but I'm still not impressed" only a slightly different word order but I think it flows better rythmically.

    • ShadowSong92
      February 6, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Actually, pound was a reference to the feeling you get when you listen to music that's way to loud and the bass seems to make a the feeling of a beat or pulse in the chest or something. Yeah...still good idea's. I'll think about this next time, listen to the flow of my writing as if it were being read aloud.