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At Twenty Feet

empathy died
  as she lay
 
  blue, yellow, red, purple
    than finally to black

    the sun had died and
  she wouldn't be back

blue

    the dust devil
      swirled
    the dunes danced
      at his feet
    a tune whistled
      to tell of
    defeat
       
yellow
 
    Sunk beneath dunes
      into ravine deep
    a kingly hue turned
      to cowardice, keep
    revolver steel
      a stink of love
        6 shots
        of whiskey
          wasn't enough

red

    The wind howled
  through barren streets
    back to back than
  twenty feet
    sun sank...
    and as the last
  of the red
    a shot was fired
  someone was dead

purple

  timeless she lay
  as still as the
    street
  she held his heart
    which was his
    defeat
 
  two men remain
    locked in a stare
  two men remain
    forever right there
  two men remain
    at twenty feet.

black.

Author notes

it has a multitude of colors. not sure if it fits exactly if not feel free to DQ it

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • movedon
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    breaking each color down was the best way to write this. and the spacing was a great idea. lovely job joe. as always

    ing alone,
    Mylee


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    September 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love how you tell a tale with colours, very beautifully done.


  • Sai Babas Lotus
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the first stanza of your poem..how you have taken the reader through the various hues. Good imagery throughout.

    Goodluck,
    Charishma


  • sailor ptolema
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    I like the division of the poem with the colors...I'm quite partial to color
    **might I suggest writing out '6'...it just my pref. tho
    the rhyming adds a nice touch to the structure of the poem!

    love the ending!
    a stand off.!>..such a powerful way to end!
    well penned
    thanks for entering!


  • kidwithgun silver member
    February 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thank you for this poem again, i hope i can judge this contest quick and give this one what i think it deserves. there's a few pretty good ones tho that i'm pretty impressed by. i love your writing very much.

  • kidwithgun silver member
    February 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love the imagery, love the emotion and i love your style. this is the kind of poem i wanted to see entering this contest. you should do well. thank you very much

1 - 8 of 8