I watched them whirl—an indeterminate rout—
Beyond the lintel, flared feathers flashing
Silver-and-grey, seeming-black beneath clouds
Piled offshore before invading
The Coastal Range. I watched them swirl and hurl
Themselves on invisible currents—twist,
Arc, pivot, rise, and fall in immeasur-
Able rhythms that avoided close-massed
Bodies of fellows diving for similar blobs
Of mud to build quaint nests. I watched them hook
Against rough stucco, press minute daubs
Into their growing shells, then wing back
Down—their numbers swallowed half the sky.
I did not watch this single swallow die.
A contest entry
- Sonnets with no set meter by masterblaster.
450 points, ended February 20, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Congratulations ...
on a wondrous Gold. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this sonnet, so neat in presentation and in delightful, albeit somewhat sad, content.
Blessed be.
Myra
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crystaldust 21-02-08 16:05
Congratulations on the gold for a fascinating sonnet. -
Hi, a wonderful sonnet, all the best in the contest, Di
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Thank you for hosting the contest and for selecting this piece for the gold. It was a delight to work with it.
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wonderful the ability to see the intricate beauty of things, swarming birds schooling fish certainly among the many miracles most simply overlook; struck by the last line...most evocative end line and thought; have to agree with Ecrivain, wonderful poem here...PK
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An intriguing sonnet, and I'm wistful at the rhythm of the images I see in the swallows flight which you depict with such grace. I've never mastered form poetry and am learning more about free verse as I read more.
We have many swallows here in the spring, also a coastal area. They are myriad and quick, and as you portray, love to spin on the thermals, reminds me of a child spinning in a full-skirted dress.
~Karen
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Thank you. Even living far from the ocean now, I still see those swallows in flight. They seemed a natural for this poem.
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Exquisite indeed ...
and really there's little else to be said. This is obviously a perfect poem, and it's hard to surpass perfect.
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Deepest appreciation for your having read and commented. The poem and I thank you.
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I admire this writing. It captures the swallow alright. I like the subject matter. Last year I just happened to look up at a flight of Swallows when a Sparrowhawk lashed into them and took one on the wing, in a puff of feathers. A quite remarkable feat. A bit like this poem. Well done.
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I spent a good many minutes at Pepperdine watching swallows through my window (which, fortunately for me getting any work done at all, did not face the ocean). The physics of their flight was miraculous. They brightened many a dull day.
Thanks for reading and commenting; both much appreciated.
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