In nakedness nests biting truth, tightly
Wrapped upon itself in writhing balls
Of infant rattlesnakes new-hatched and curled
Against cold nights in echoing midnight rooms.
Truth lies quiescent, warming, coiling—strikes,
Floods flaming poison into veins, devours
Systematically too thin tissue-lies
Constructed to objectify our blame.
Truth viper-strikes through bitter nakedness,
Limns stomach, thigh, breast, and arm—guileless, blunt,
Exposing wrinkled age and youth-heat's waste
As we lie darkly, staring into dark.
In nakedness nests truth, alone, poised
To poison-cleanse dim lives close-nights have soiled.
Author notes
Blank-verse sonnet [predominately iambic pentameter with frequent metrical substitutions].
A contest entry
- For all Sonneteers by masterblaster.
1000 points, ended February 19, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Getting Gold Like Fort Knox...(NOW 1000, adding more points often) by RyanosaurusWrecks.
1000 points, ended March 11, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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an extensive collaboration with excellent meter and tone
a great entry, worthy of being read often and diligently..congrats on your previous trophy, and out of pure immaturity, i have to mention that you said "balls" im sorry if i offended you, but i gotta be a wise cracker once ina while -
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Thanks for the comments...and, while I intended the word to carry different connotations, no offense in your response. Wise-cracks help keep us honest.
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I'm not sure I like the way truth is personified! It can be uncomfortable, "poison-cleanse" - I suppose I have not been there to know. Great imagery and movement in all the lines, especially like the second quatrain. Congratulations on gold, well earned.
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amazing imagery and sophisticated vocabulary for a (for me) very unusual sonnet-form ... a masterful entry that definitely deserved the "grand prix" !
congratulations !!!
maa
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A very worthy winner. This speaks truth in the sense of that which obliterates our congnitive bias. Such truth is often unwelcomed, as it disrupts our illusions of comfort and continuity. The vision of snakes carrying this unwanted truth as venom is perfect for describing the situation. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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Hi, I wish I had written this, great sonnet, a pleasure to red,Di
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Thank you for the contest, the comments, and the gold. All much appreciated, especially since the contest allowed me to take something that has been knocking around for some time and--finally!--give it structure and form. Again, thank you.
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I'll bet ...
you could write a hell of a Halloween poem.
This is a marvelous poem, and it is unfortunately all too bitingly true. It's actually so well done that I didn't realize it was a sonnet until I read it the second time.
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Now that is a compliment. Thank you.
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I don't understand meter. However, I feel the changes in rhythm and sink into the metaphor of snakes and truths, a sort of victimization that comes in half light. Life is too short to suffer willing blindness. There is much more here if I study the lines. ~ Karen
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This is a bit of a tongue twister for me. Amazing metaphor. Quite a masterpiece, I wish you well in the contest.
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Thank you. My wife, who frequently reads my things while I play organ backgrounds, has several times threatened mayhem if I keep writing "s"-words. I guess this was designed to be sibilant, writing, twisting...so I take your comment as a compliment. Again, thank you. Much appreciated.
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aging and nakedness
Dark prose here moves saccadic,words asynchronism here
creates a visual effect in this dark repetilian metahpore,;
in pentameter...good luck in contest.
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Thanks for the comment. Sounds as if the poem struck you as if did me while working on it. Something's working right.
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