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morning song









damn
these circadian rhythms; dark sea
of dream, a white skiff
adrift on rows of small black stones

primal meridians
follow the pull of lunar tides;
capillaries breach the reach
of daybreak

sparking windows,
morning strikes its song
on a steel kettle moon

settles, like a hand
to hard wood

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 44 of 44

  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    September 14
    Edit | Reply
    I wish my alarm clock sounded as pretty as this

  • jantastic gold member
    August 15
    Edit | Reply
    this is still lovely


  • Kevin Moderators member
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    as always, it is a pleasure reading one of your poems...

    nice segmented start. damn def. starts me with a feeling

    awesoem image of the white skiff.
    I don't know what primal meridians is or looks like... the prime meridian is the time line thing, but?

    follow - who follows? I, you, me, we? Starting to wonder who is the speaker.

    sparkling windows -> windows sparkle. or whatever, but active verbs are better

    nice ending, though a bit vague. but it was profound enough that it still worked for me

    Excellent!


  • Debbysmiles gold member
    May 15

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting

    Interesting piece. I love your use of language. It held me fast. These natural rhythms that pull; draw us and make us meet ourselves again and again. Wonderful imagery. This piece is rich. Bravo poet !

    Debby


  • Faithbound gold member
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    I got it the first time I think...lol. It is rich with imagery. I am enjoying your work immensely. Just stopping by to read more.

  • LeonLiondas gold member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply

    Very nice write!

    I enjoyed this piece very much!
    Short writes are inspiring, words and not wasted and time stands still.

    Awsome!


  • Redstormy gold member
    February 21
    Edit | Reply

    damn

    I love your descriptives
  • pithyaplomb
    February 21

    Edit | Reply
    3rd stanza, I loved the best, but this is really a poem that catches the reader and forces him or her to examine much closer for all meaning.
    ~pithyAplomb.


  • LadyLavender gold member
    February 19
    Edit | Reply
    I bow to a great master!!!!


  • jantastic gold member
    February 17
    Edit | Reply
    can't really find words...



  • Gwenevere
    February 17
    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!!!! you have really changed your style and it works.Great stuff. Ros


  • Jaden silver member
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    Nice!


  • melphleg gold member
    February 13
    Edit | Reply
    impressive use of vocabulary and imagery.

  • boilerjim
    February 13
    Edit | Reply

    adventurious

    Love the words but it was too deep for my feeble brain. Thanks for the thoughts and words.

  • Skittle Girl
    February 12
    Edit | Reply
    Ooooo cool

    I like it yayz!, greatness poem.


  • Just Rob gold member
    February 12

    Edit | Reply

    Rich

    The moon, imposing herself on the rising of the sun, the skiff, torn. My skiff is leaking more with each repeated reading.

    I've been attempting shorter poetry, trying to impose layers of meaning and image into poetry that belies it's small stature. This is a clinic on that effort, the sort of highly evocative lines I would write if I was good enough.

    You people are showing the readers why I held this "contest", why I do my learning on this site, from poets that inspire me.


  • Peteskid gold member
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    Remarkable when can i drift into visuals and thoughts in a short page of verse, ....Remarkable...PK


  • Tangled Angle
    February 10
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent.


  • Pretani gold member
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    This is great AJ. Just found your work and will return later to look again when I have more time.

    Good going!

  • ecrivain01 silver member
    February 8

    Edit | Reply

    I have to say ...

    that sometimes you surprise me. Our minds don't work the same, so it took me a while to get anything out of this. However, now I like it. It only took reading it over 5 times.

    Anyway, you certainly do have a great command of the English language.

  • Desiree Darkk
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    I read a poem once that had the word circadian. I wanted to beat them up for using it. Not here though. Nice use of language. I really like this.

    Desiree

  • eveline
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is a lovely poem- not defined by the words you choose, but the images they create- and very sensual feeling, too.

    I love the imagery "a white skiff adrift on rows of small black stones". Overall very, very beautiful

    -eveline.


  • Grunts Girl
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    and how come my dirty little mind snickered at the end of this!!! eh hem....

    i liked the sort of frustrated pull into the dreamy state.... black stones-- btw... the lava rocks here are so cool.... out my back yard is the wayward side of K-Bay Island and i am just footprints from a staircase that leads to the beach full of the most amazing black rocks... the mountain i live on is a volcano that erupted long ago and yet i look at it each day running home and see.... and know that mother natures hand settled here... and i hope she doesnt lift it for a long time
    sorry, drifted and on a horrid computer whose keys type terribly delayed...
    "capillaries breach the reach of daylight"
    that line takes me to a time - terrifying time in my life.... while at work once time, i was in an altercation with a subject- I didnt know at the time he just killed his girlfriend and was on his way home to kill some others--- i will spare you several details but I remember him having a choke hold on me- i was on the edge of passing out and all i could see was my beach- my solitude of home and there was a weird calm that came over me and i heard his breath in my hair and his whisper that he was going to rape me and kill me-- sometimes i wake up to that voice and Paul says i am fighting like a mother fucker.....
    i remember trying to see the daylight--- feeling the blood moving behind my eyes--- into my brain....
    my back up officers told me somehow i hit my emergency button and they were there within a minute or so-- the guy fled but was caught later (just so you have an ending lol)

    primal meridians
    follow the pull of lunar tides,
    capillaries breach the reach
    of daybreak

    sparking windows,
    morning strikes its song
    on a steel kettle moon

    yeah i am stuck here- even though it seems so pretty- to me its that moment right before death

    so morbid- i appologize

    that hand to hardwood--- reminds me of the guys stating they were slapping me silly in hopes i would wake up



  • Cvillelisa
    February 6

    Edit | Reply

    Wow! More words and rhythm in this poem than I've read in any of yours over the last two years! It looks good on you.

    Personally, I'm very happy stopping where morning strikes the kettle moon but that is just my own reading opinion/ I think that I've hung out with Ed too long and my mind goes where his did with the last two lines.



    Such nice sounds and imagery. Good luck to you in the contest.

    I hate the Giants.

    Lisa

  • EdP
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, what a coincidence. I am settling a hand to my own hard wood right now.


    It is suggestive, this one. That bit about the steel kettle moon followed by the wood bit made me think of a shiny knife on a cutting board for some reason. Or the moon reflected on a blade. I like that.

    lovely


  • Nogod
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    For once tonight I think I understood every word of a poem! Good stuff. Loved it infact. I wished I owned a skiff. One day.

    Ta for the read

  • mantis180
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    It's stunning. Like all your pieces it takes my breath away, causes me to pause, look back, reread, close my eyes, and visualize the sights you have laid down with your words.

  • Yvette Champ
    February 4
    Edit | Reply
    Outstanding.


  • birch
    February 4
    Edit | Reply
    great closing image. you always take me there.
    j

  • Allyce May
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    Darn! I wish I had read this in the morning rather than this afternoon! I would have floated off to work in my own little daze, lol.

    The "circadian rhythms" is just pure genius.


  • Namita silver member
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    "settles like a hand to hard wood" -

    that is too good... Rob is going to almost die when judging this contest... so many AMAZING entries... but this one just stands a step above all of them; beautiful work

    - namita


  • Rowan gold member
    February 4
    Edit | Reply
    Yup. Damn fine work, as usual.


  • Cat gold member
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    i love the black stone- like
    some harvestable onyx in the middle of
    river rock- and the skiff is beautiful
    harkens old
    and thoughtful movement- deliberate yet
    easily pulled by the wind

    i love the steel kettle moon- did i tell you that i have one started that uses a steel 55 gallon drum.. not the same i know.. your vision is so beautiful..

    and a hand to hard wood.. - now that is dreamy

    wonderful al

    but you knew
    i already loved
    this piece in preview format...



    m


  • Emerald13
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    gorgeous .. is it just me ? ... i get a highly sexual/sensual charge here ... lots of pointers for me ... i love the language that moves through this ... short sharp breathless (or heavy breathed) ... i love the words that catch my attention - sometimes changing with subsequent readings (poems within the poem) ... luverly >>> Gina

  • ardentMarch gold member
    February 4
    Edit | Reply
    this is so beautiful..

  • Arzab
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. This write seemed very peaceful. I liked the first stanza the best. It created imagery in the mind of the reader of the way the beach would look from night to day light. Good luck in the contest.


  • Nicolette gold member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    I just woke up after just 5 hours of sleep, so this morning song speaks to me, loud and clear. Wonderfully visual and expressive poetry, Al... and beautiful.

    ~ Nicolette


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply


    As if the next day comes way too quickly. I agree.




  • Night Hope gold member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    Ohhh, how I love the sea...even when it makes me ache for land. Funny that I would be so enchanted by it, considering I grew up in Kansas & Oklahoma. Of course, this penning is resplendent. How could it not be, considering the source??? The bar has just been raised. Good luck in Rob's contest.

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