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New Poem Wanted

A new poem is borne
With the look in your eyes
Let me make it a song
Through my life at your side

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • just-an-amateur
    February 10, 2008

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    A simple beauty here with a title to match. Liked the way you added in a personal touch to make the reader feel special as they read this. The flow might have been improved though if you split your lines in half though. Something like this possibly:
    A new poem is borne,
    with the look in your eyes
    Think you get the point. But that's just my point of view. You don't have to change it just to suit my idea. Thanks for entering and best of luck in the contest!
    ~M~

    • Tecohe
      February 12, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Suggestions are read and considered.
      Your suggestion was implemented and I don't know why I didn't see it myself.
      Oh, well that's why other poets are so needed.
      Thanks for the HM. I appreciate it.
      Tecohe