I need this and that
daddy please,cant you help me?
sobbing like a child
30 years of ugly
and when i say ugly,
what i mean is your soul
more,more,more
you spend their money like its stolen
its slipping through your fingers,
because your too high to see
exactly what your doing
you got to get what you need
you go walking the streets with hollowed cheeks
pulling on doors to find a place to sleep
because hallways are cold,but sidewalks freeze
you know I'm funky,not a junky
don't try to fake me
if lies were acid,
your teeth would be black
corroding away with every passing breath
and your daughter still loves
you after all that you've done
but your son has given up
affirmations long gone
and they hate how you treat them
yet they never speak ill
but they aren't stupid
they know your deal
every time that you tell them bad mommies gone
you sew up their hearts
but it doesn't last long
they know what is coming
and their expectations are low
and your grandmothers gold,
sold!
Just go!
get out of here!
before i smash in your face
because the words that i say
fly through the holes in your brain
your scheming and scamming
trying to get what i have,
but i don't have the patience your naive father has
and he sees his first daughter wasting away,
its so sad
selling your ass,
girl your better than that!
all that you have is crackhead love
your car is burned up
run from the drug dealers gun
you can look me in the eye while deceit drips from your lips
because your no longer human,
your a pod person
get!
shoo you away like a stray hungry bitch
wondering around,
looking like shit
bare feet in the street
you need to go home and eat
then we can speak
when rehab keeps
Author notes
option#4
A contest entry
- Let Loose Your Anger by poets whisper.
650 points, ended November 28, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - New! Truly Original Poetry Wanted :) by Oleander.
540 points, ended December 6, 2008, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Have Lost My Muse! Please Send Me Your Best! by Nicada.
800 points, ended February 11, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Drugs and Eating Disorders by Dlvvanzor.
410 points, ended April 25, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty is greatly appreciated
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Raw emotion and I'm pretty convinced that it's a true story.
Thanks for entering!
-Dlvvanzor -
Wow! This is an emotion filled piece for sure. The anger is so real and raw in its power. You did a great job on this write! Thanks so much for entering. Blessings, Patty
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filled with emotion and anger ... you manage to weave words into strange, angry poetry. thank you for the entry.
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wow this is so honest and raw, it's sad but it's an incredibly powerful piece, with something very important to say, best of luck in the contest, wow
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DAMN! This is raw, truthful, sad, powerful and yes ugly. I think these could be lyrics. They really strike the soul.
Thanks for entering.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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Wow
This is fascinating. I'm not quite sure why, but it was quite an ugly topic (but a sad truth of life unfortunately) but you made ot beautifully captivating. Great job here.
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This was great, but unfortunatly exceeds the 40 line limit
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I like it.
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Its like I couldnt take my eyes off of it!
Honestly, it kept me captured to the end with its vivid imedgery(sp?) and emotion...god the emotion was so...deep...
Really, I have no words to explain it adaquitly, it was just beautiful.
Thanks so much for sharing!
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This poem has a very good flow to it. The meaning of it was impressive. Thank you for entering and good luck to you.
Sam -
WOW
I feel through it you lost touch but all together as a poem it was awesome, good feel and great message. thankyou for entering and best of luck in the competition.
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I have to say this was not what I expected. I loved this poem though. My favorite line "all that you have is crackhead love" sounds like it could be in a song somewhere. Great write.
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wow
is this based on a true event?
its really gooood
and i know you want honesty but i cant say something bad about a poem a liked so much.
the best poem ive read in ages.
please tell me if my notes where any use to you. -
OMG
this poem has a really nice flow... so full of emotion... it was alittle hard for me to read though because it really hit close to home... I I had a hard time keeping the tears from flowing till the end... thank you... -
BAM
I absolutely love this. the flow is awesome and the word play kept me interested all the way to the end! awesome poem -
omg i am in love with this. it has so much feeling. tis really good.
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Such graphic detail in this poem. So much pain and hurt and regrets spilling from every verse. Very powerful write indeed!
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First of all, thank you for entering. Second, I love the imagery you have here. It's an intense poem and you had me captured. There were a couple parts I stumbled over, but it was overall fantastic. Thanks again.
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Thank you so much im glad you liked it if you have a minute would you mind telling me what you stumbled over or exactly what that means it would be greatly apreciated i love constructive critisism.but if your pressed for time thanks anyway
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speechless
I was not going to write anything initially, but seeing as I'm bookmarking this, I'll have time to come back and revise my comment.
well done,
something I will definitely read again soon.
Peace
Chris
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