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climactic citrus




I unpeeled the clementine into a spiral,
each citrus pore smiling in my mouth...

blossoming bubbling blooms.  I close my eyes
allowing the smell of my pleasure put
my mouth asleep.






















Author notes

please comment and critque!
peace to all ~flight

A contest entry

honesty

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Comments


  • tara wilson gold member
    February 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a nice, juicy moment, with vivid imagery..a fun, snapshot, poem to me.

    OK - you ask for honesty:

    I think "blossoming bubbling blooms." is a little too much, 3 b's and two ing words in a row is a little hard to say, ah, although, it's fun as well, and matches the mood of your poem. So, it's up to you...

    also:
    I think you need a 'to' before put

    and you do kind of lose me in the end. citrus usually wakes a mouth up,,so I am kind of getting a being at the dentist feeling here..lol

    this really makes me smell citrus..an enjoyable poem..thanks so much for your entry..


  • Salt Walker
    February 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice. however i just thought of laura lou and how she throws up at the smell of oranges


    • flight
      February 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      She does? That's gross...I love oranges(slash clemintines)


      peace to all ~flight


  • docbill gold member
    February 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I can feel the sensation.