to lie down in the tall grass
of your lashes,
your eyes of landscapes,
those dark distances,
where your slightest blink
unfolds me, time
after time
like a star
Author notes
In a list
A contest entry
- Heart Of Glass by Naridill.
525 points, ended February 9, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 79 of 79
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Superb write!
It's no wonder when I read your poems
I'm inspired and silent.
Knowing once again how
fortunate we are.
Thank you as always for this beautiful poem.
Take care
Love Peace
campanaro
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I absolutely loved the metaphor you used in the first stanza...and while I realize you were trying to keep in the same grain with your second stanza, it just really didn't work for me. I also don't know that the last line quite fit in either, thought the third stanza was very nicely written. I think this piece has great potential. Thanks for entering and for sharing!
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A lovely poem with beautiful imagery.
Congrats on the silver and good luck in the upgrade contest.
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You've drawn me in with your illustration
The title releases it's own landmark, also dramatically reading into the first line as one. This lengthens night and day... one reason "like a star" means much to me. Letting nature seep into you by feeling the best mattress ever in your surroundings is so 'YOU,' showing the intensity of the person themself, the simplicity of not needing more than creation, and it grows in a rich area of love's soil. Of course you can never be small enough to sleep in one's eye, however staring at someone is a light into their mind, becoming harmonious. The title now makes more sense, with when you pass out, i.e. a project that is extremely on your mind, but it may or might not come true.
"your eyes of landscapes" caught my attention, they are far past anyone else's, all moments are preserved in this spacious field, cultivated with rising interest. Nothing can be tight, otherwise there are too many uncomfortable distractions at the time of wanting to delve into each other; a main point I got from your 29 words.
The last stanza ties it in extraordinarily, my mind sees the universe with planets of irises and pupils... and like you'd be all devoted shortly to focusing on that luminous beauty... we all have a smile from, but here your imagery of the fixed shine in winking, almost like a flasher that goes on and off, but is very important and sweet.
Well done, you made me bookmark this until I had time to write my perception of an appropriate review,
Daisy -
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Daisy, thank you very much for this wonderful comment. I so appreciate the time you took to delve into this little poem - one that means a lot to me. Thank you...
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whoa!
damn! sorry but i just have to say it
your words feels so magical
you had me so spellbound and just point-blank dreamy
i just wish some of your magic-ness would rub off on me...
i love this
it had me imagining every words occuring on my mind
Anna Lee
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Anna Lee - so good to see you again
... how are you doing??
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This is beautiful. I see why so many poets here have you on their favorites. The line 'where the slightest blink unfolds me...is a wonderful line. I enjoyed this image and thank you for it.
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"A dream is a wish your heart makes when it's fast asleep"...Walt Disney knew that well, and so does this poem. Yes, we all dream, for without dreams our souls dehydrate and blow away. Your love poems always make me smile, and sigh, for it proves that love is real after all...even when dreamed.
Blessed be,
Billie Jean
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i love this one Nicolette ... 'i dream to lie down in th e tall grass of your lashes' ... lovely lead in from the title but such fresh imagery that continues in the eyes/landscape/dark /distance /
now that last stanza ...
where your slightest blink
unfolds me, time
after time
like a star
its sublime ... unfolding is lovely .. but its the blink time after time like a star that completes the whole for me ... just gorgeous ... >>> Gina
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Breathtaking! Congratulations on the silver trophy...you are a truly gifted poet.
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Annie, thank you so much!!
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I love the feeling of reading this short yet very relatable piece. The familiar breath makes me live within this piece.
Excellent my friend
Thanks for sharing.
HENSLEY
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wooow.
I really like how the first line of the poem was a continuation of the title. I also liked the comparison between grass and eyelashes.
But my favorite line would have to be the last one... "like a star".
Beautiful!
~Cassie
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Wow that's VERY good. You put a great poem full of beauty with only 29 words? That's what I call TALENT! Great job and congratulations on the trophy.
Keep writing -
This is truly a breathtaking poem As i was reading it this sense of awe came over me. You are astounding!
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I bow to thee. Stunning, absoulutley stunning!
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Fluent and enchanting metaphors. I love the beauty entwined through out this, nicely worked.
Thanks for entering,
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I think we all wish for that.
This is perfection.
peace to all ~flight
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magnificent imagery.
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Wow. Definitely beautiful. 29 words of beauty. 29 words of excellence. Wow. I could see these eyes, too, which makes this piece brilliant and weird all at the same time. Great job.
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intersting
i enjoy you use or the heart and the comparisons that you made
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Your words, as always are breathtaking
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Longing, yearning...still... finding the all beauty within your own core of love. And poetry.
~Sonja~
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What vistas are the windows to the soul!
Where I live there are expanses of tall grasses growing through water, so thick they look like green fringe skirting blue expanses of water that blend into the sky. Early summer evenings, Venus glows through satin luminescence and the stars begin to shimmer one by one, winking, at first fragile and then firing into steady brilliance.
You capture the brilliance of stars within seemingly effortlessly! I love this one.
~Karen
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your first line is a dynamic catcher
to lay down in the tall grass of your lashes
where I want to lay and pretend with be my forever bed.
Tamara
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what a beautiful statement, and what a sad content, the longing, and the wishing..... is so special when a poet can express in 29 words, what a heart wants to scream....
:f
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yes...the longing.. thank you, lovely Leslie
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PS--unfolds me like a star...
Brilliant. -
sigh.
I want that, too. However, can I get that from more than one man? LOL
No, but seriously. Your poetry always makes me feel all womanly and whistful. It's so soft and feminine, so full of longing and beautiful. It even has the tendency to make me ache. I'm reading a book with lots of Italy in it...and that's what I want right now--a field in Umbria, acting out this poem whilst drinking wine...
sigh. Sorry...I daydreamed there for a bit.
Lovely poem, making me daydream.
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now you have me daydreaming too.....far. I love the "acting out" part and the wine. Thank you...!
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haha! You're welcome! Oh Italy and wine and men and sunsets....you know, it's hot in Italy, but it's WARM, just perfect. Then, gellato ice cream for dessert...or something.
hee hee
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If the slightest blink unfolds you, wait til you feel the soft flutter of lashes against yours Truly Truly beautiful Nic. This is the Nic I know and love so much! I love this. Sighs on top of sighs. Beautiful!
~Lyrical
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hello my vriendin.... thank you, Robin. Good to see you back here
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ahhhh - at last, the lady has written again; and it is just as amazing as the other ones! What beautiful metaphors in your first two stanzas. How did I not see this yesterday? Beautiful work...
i dream
to lie down in the vast meadows
of your poetry,
your words of tall grass,
those short distances,
where your smallest sound
speaks volumes, second
after second
like an echo
lol. how bad can I get?
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hey.. don't be so humble, lol.. there you go write an echo poem - and what a lovely one, Namita!!!!... Thank you... !
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Sighhh! Time after time... you get me.
Beautiful, Scribe!
~ Nicky♥
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...thank you, from one Nicky to another!!
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short and wonderful. breathtaking
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beautiful nic, especially the first two stanzas...
al
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... thanks, al
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Hell I love your work - so looking forward to receiving your new collection.
The first stanza immediately leads the reader. The second stanza creates wonder and a dream-like quality but the third stanza is beautiful "where your slightest blink unfolds me".
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oh wow....! Thanks, Heath
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"your eyes of landscapes,
those dark distances"
This is beautiful, poignant & profound, as is everything you write, my Sister....but your heart isn't made of glass, Sweetie...glass is far too fragile. It's made of tempered steel & the finest silks. It's made of wildflowers & moonlit nights. It's made of smiling sunrises & survival far beyond barren horizons. It's made of words & music, of silence, of passion & fire. Good luck in the contest, my dear Friend. Vlindertjie
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Jaaa, you're right. I was looking at the picture prompt for this contest and the dreamy look took me to this poem... so it wasn't so much the glass as the "heart". Thank you, my friend
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Beautiful the words touch the senses so smoothly... Bravo! Good luck in the contest!
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thanks, John..glad you could feel the smooth touch
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my day is already complete to wake up and read a new poem by you!..lol
this is gorgeous..I love it, I love the mood, I love the imagery..sighs...a beautiful love poem..
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yeah, it took me a while to get this little one together. Thank you, Tara...
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this is like unfolding an origami dove, with precious wings and each crease and line so beautifully made
Nicci... this is so damned fine
Gilly.
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Thanks, Gilly...and for the origami dove - love that
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I have been looking forward to your next poem since it's been a bit since I saw something new from you popping up, and how well you did with this my dear friend.
Great imagery, unique metaphors and a lot of feeling put into this...
A more than wonderful write!
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Jaaaa... sometimes I have a slow hand, lol...
thanks, leander
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Beautiful imagery here.
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precious poetry
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Just beautiful.
"your slightest blink unfolds me" - there is something soothing about the use of unfolding; I think it's because it makes me think of flowers opening to the sun - vulnerable and trusting and new.
Stunning work, so much said in so few words
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you know, I think in Afrikaans when I write, so I first had "expose" but I didn't like the sound... so I'm happy that you think "unfolds" is softer. And there is indeed a sense of vulerability in being unfolded... Thanks, Allyce...
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You are most welcome
Unfolded is definitely the way forward; exposed is too cold and gritty to fit the theme
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Beautiful as always.
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Thank you, Rhona...
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unfolds me, time
after time
like a star
That is one of the most beautiful things I have read! Fantastic. I love your metaphors in this one, and how it all ties together so nicely. You have a real talent for short poems, Nicolette - every one of them I read takes my breath away! The only thing I will offer, and this is 100% opinion and detail-orientation, is that the repetition of "eyes" so soon after "eyelashes" was a little bit distracting for me. Too many eyes too close together...but that could just be me! Loved it, simply amazing! Best of luck!
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yeah, i was pondering on that too, but i wanted the eyes and the landscape idea, lol and with a 30 word limit i just couldn't find another word. Thank you... much appreciated, as always
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*ponders...* How much would it change things to use just lashes instead of eyelashes?
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you clever girl.... yes!!!
sometimes i can't see beyond my own (eye)lashes
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Glad I could help the master poet! *laughs*
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you're not only clever, you're funny too
hey, you have to remember english is my 2nd language
thanks dear
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from the very first line, I was smitten... lol.
So very fine, hon.
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Thanks, Kathleen ...
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This was something. Wow! I am speechless!!!!!
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Thanks, Jeff. What did you leave me this time... a peeping dog, a bear...?
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So beautifully written, a sigh across the screen, how I am enchanted, capitivated by the caress of your soft pen that takes me to the tall grass.Word perfect,akin to a treasured cameo brooch this a dream to keep close the chest. Forgive my rambling dearest poetess of love and light.
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you "ramble" so very poetically, Yvette... so ramble on, my friend! Thank you...
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this is stunning
poetry like this is what reminds me of why you are one of the finest poets i know-
m
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wow, Mary... thank you... I can say the same of you...
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yes, but i write of serial killers.. oy!
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i work with some of them... that's why i leave it to you to make poetry about them...lolol!
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Wow, Nicolette. "the tall grass
of your eyelashes" What more could one ask for? You paint such fine pictures with your words and pour so much emotion into them... Your poetry feels like love indeed. And I just love it how you go from grass to star, a very nice message of ascension, which is what love and intimacy is about. Wonderful, as always.
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Thank you so much, Diana... i like how you looked into this one; yes, the ascension
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