Another love affair has split its seams,
the stretching stitches slipped, it ripped in two;
you reel in pain and ponder what to do,
you shed unwanted tears with mental screams.
And then you sleep, to shun the two extremes
of pain and rage, not knowing which is true;
the world is shaking, shaking, shaking you,
yet still you stumble through recurring dreams.
The dread alternative is stay awake
and feel it all, from height to frightening deep;
a hero's journey - here the strongest quake
to see the darkened depths and take the leap,
to see, accept, forgive each grave mistake.
Arising then, you know the love to keep.
Author notes
Background: forget-me-nots by MargaretG
In a list
A contest entry
- # 41 The Winkling Sonneteers Villanelle and Terzanelle Writers Modern Odes Contest Only by Lyndon.
2090 points, ended February 13, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A few of Winklings' Poems Set Up for Responses #49 by Lyndon.
3780 points, ended March 4, 2008, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Forget-me-nots! Perfect!
And so it is, when we fall on the field of love, love is what picks us up...a little worse for wear perhaps, but wiser, and probably much richer, too, in the long run.
~Karen
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I can see how this has won two gold trophies, it is a lovely sonnet. Well done, Margaret.
Cheryl
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Hey Cheryl! Thank you, I'm happy you like it.
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Love sonnet that has won two golds - congratulations. Very good rhythm, rhyme and flow in these lines -
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Thank you for your comment and applause, Erika.
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Well done. Congratulations on your gold with this lovely Italian Sonnet. ~Pamela
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Thank you Pam. Congratulations also to you!
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a masterfully written italian sonnet with perfect meter and rhymes AND a remarkably profound message ... I love poems that mirror wisdom and show us our deeper essence through the revelation of our psychological and spiritual processes ...
my cup of tea ...
thank you,
maa
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Thank you Marion.
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So beautiful and I adore the last line.
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Thank you very much, Tamera.
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Your gentle hand touches the depths of love and war, the flight of security, and the return to the one essense of life-love. A perfect sonnet in form and meter.
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Thank you very much for your comment and applause, Suzie.
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You are such a master of meter. I think this is so full of imagery I can almost feel the pain. Very well done. Good luck
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Thank you Pat - I would not have written so vividly except that it had to come out.
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This sonnet is mechanically 'perfect'; a good version of the Italian Renaissance work. Imagery is suggestive of 'War' as a metaphor; or a Joust, etc. through the world "Field" in the title.
However, this is not so. The imagery, if anything, is suggestive of the struggling wounded after the event.
Your use of "grave" [as in Romeo and Juliet] is a serious pun. Line eight itself is a new shift, with the instinct to battle on.
The sestet is really an analysis of a tough option.
The final line is echoic of line eight.
"Arising then, you know the love to keep."
May I suggest the variant acephalous line:
"Rising then, you know the love to keep."
/x . x/ . x/ . x/ . x/.
The advantages are the avoidance of the archaic "arising" which, I feel, is not mandatory and the emphatic trochaic emphasis on 'RISing', a key word.
Having said this, your sonnet is remarkably consistent thematically. Ron.
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Thank you so much for your detailed comment Ron. I appreciate your attention, insight and effort.
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This is an excellent poem ...
and for some reason it reminds me of one by "A. E. Housman". Did you see "Out of Africa"? The Baroness (Meryl Streep) recites his poem at the funeral of Dennis played by Robert Redford. Ah yes, I found it:
A. E. Housman's Shropshire Lad:
With rue my heart is laden
For golden friends I had,
For many a rose-lipt maiden
And many a lightfoot lad.
By brooks too broad for leaping
The lightfoot boys are laid;
The rose-lipt girls are sleeping
In fields where roses fade
Brendan Behan had a song his mother had put together with words from poems by English poets, and some of the lines from this were in it too.
Anyway, good job on the poem.
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Thank you so much Jim, I never expected such a comparison.
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*smile*
Congrats on the Gold.
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As Keith said, universal
Not only in the use of "you' but in its entire content! Is there anyone older than ten who has never known it?
To have described the physical-emotional-even psychological aspects of a breakup is challenging enough, but to have a perfect Petrarchan sonnet form with volta makes it that much more exquisite. Checking with my reference, the sestet may have either two or three rhymes and here we have two. The decision to be brave is the icing on this cake.
Terry
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Dear Terry, personal courage is relative to the situation and resources of the hero. We all respect those who accept duty and face challenges, as we forgive those who turn away before turning back. There is little respect for people who use others for their advancement, while excusing their own weaknesses. Courage is a yardstick that everyone can be measured by.
You are the tallest 5 ft woman I know. 
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Ah, this is me just a few months ago. I guess I still sort of feel like this, but I ignore it and cover it up..
A lovely poem. Lovely flow. I like the repetition of "shaking."
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Thank you for your comment and applause, Frodofan, however long ago. It takes some repetitions of shaking before we won't take any more. I'm glad you like the sonnet.
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Oh, the beautiful floooowwww....
Love's demons and demands are always better met face to face. A truly moving piece.
Rahad
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Yay, Rahad!
Long ago you gave me this nice comment - Love's demons and demands are always better met face to face.
I like heroes. Thank you very much.
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This is an unusual take on To The Fallen, and it works well. The pain of broken love can be as intense as any physical wound and as hard to recover from it. But staying awake and facing up to it is really the only truly courageous thing to do, isn't it? I like the use of second person as well, makes it a universal address to the reader. Nicely done, and metrically flawless.
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Thank you for your comment and applause Keith, your approval on a sonnet means a lot to me. I agree, courage is the basis of a good life.
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