The falling sun was breaking, lemon-yellow, through lace branches of fir, noiselessly finding a stoneslab...arched, leaning on jaws of rock. I heard nothing, and slipped behind the stone.
A sea of greenblue glow incubated a room of steel, a
city of a dangerous skyline - syringe needles, test tubes of cold glass. One
technician (careful through his gunsmoke frames) stood at the little tower of a microscope, his hair surreal in the silent ultraviolet flicker.
A single note drifted in the drafts from a sagging ceiling fan, wheeling slowly.
In extended black printing, the top of the card spelled 'the human heart'.
Scrawled lines collided and lassoed each other across the paper, each thread as
grey as a thread of his hair.
I knew he was learning to fix the
quietest (things that crossed his mind)
by the clear of his lens and the quietest loves that had passed him by.
Looking at me once with only a question mark on his lips
(the rest of his face muted by the concentrated dark behind skies and screens
of technology's glare),
he smiled down through the neat, fixed glasses. I saw that wisdom (all that we can find) will not make a heart beat or rival patience, ever. 'And is that science?' I asked.
'Maybe', he said, and bent down to the note, copying down a code of Greek, runs of
numbers. I smiled and walked back out. Friendship is sweet
and the scientist, his hair lit innocently in sterilized fluorescence,
seeing by the glasses and working by
the sweet of pepper and the salt of his brow,
is lovely to me; and I ponder the science in that.
Author notes
Tam Lin
The whole science thing was inspired by U2's precious song Miracle Drug, although the story line is a little bit like Edge Of The Universe Cafe by Ike Reilly Assassination.
I tried a bit of alliteration and used some repetition, again.
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 4 [Top 12] by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended February 12, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I am starting a family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by angel of the dead.
300 points, ended February 15, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I loved the imagery~ what a wonderful poem.
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well thank you!
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what do you want to be how about my science goddess?
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Personally I found the lay out of this to be a little messy on the eyes. I don't know if it was deliberate or not but if you're not use to reading this format it can be a bit annoying (just a heads up). As for the poem itself, I think Tyler said it best, this does seem a little too story like, and a little less poem like, not that it's a bad thing, just something to be aware of as not all judges find it appealing.
Good luck
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It was intriguing - I think [think] I recall reading a scientist poem from you before. Something that I have stumbled across and found the metaphors and beauty something worth reading.
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yeah, I think in one of your 13 word contests I entered one called 'Peace', which was sort of a summing up of the idea for this one. Sort of a beginning.
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8
I like the metaphors and imagery. This kind of felt a little like prose, and kind of like a story..literally. I think if you were allowed more lines, you would have broken the lines more. This did flow well and I enjoyed it.
Score: 8/10
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This is a serious and well-crafted piece about a tension that has been going on for many years and touches us all. The trip "behind the stone" is etched on our minds with intense precision. Such genius in the ending twist!
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Vivid imagery!
I really admire the depth and complexity of this one. It shows sophistication with metaphor--yes, the alliteration is nice! It explores the blurred boundary between story and symbol. Extraordinary last line! I guess this fits the "prose poem" category, doesn't it?
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