Look at the way you stand
when she comes into the room.
You keep your back to her
and pretend that she’s not there
but your eyes give you away completely, my friend,
and I can see in those eyes
such longing and despair
that It makes even me want to reach out and touch her.
Betrayal is sometimes the most deadly of sins
and she has sinned deadly against you
which is why you cannot look into her eyes
or even touch her in the slightest way,
for if you did look into the girl’s eyes
I’m sure you would drop to your knees on sight,
and if you did touch her,
even just a brush against her skin;
bare flesh on bare flesh,
it would burn so many memories
hot on your skin
vivid in memory
spoke of only in dreams…
you’d be lost if that happened
you’d take her up in your arms –
don’t tell me I’m wrong, fellow!
because I can tell you’re in love with her
by the way you don’t touch or look at her.
Sometimes we must hold our body prisoner
from the mortal slips of human nature,
sometimes we must go against our hearts most wanton pleas!
Her betrayal knows no boundaries, you know this
you do!
It wouldn’t be a hassle
it wouldn’t even be worth your time
you could hate her night and day, tis really not that hard!
Ah… but anyone can see, my sad fellow…
that you’re in love with her.
Author notes
"I can tell that you're in love with her; I can tell by the way you never touch her or look at her."
In a list
A contest entry
- "Voxtrot" Prompts. Lines from songs. by OhNoChastity.
1000 points, ended February 27, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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How sad, poor guy. I feel his pain.
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*CLAP*
Well done.. pleasure to read.
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ooh, I love this. Such a wonderful quote and the masterful poem you have let accompany. I love the subtle humor and bite to this. made me huffaw at some of the points- how true it is when a man loves a woman from a distance: his eyes tell the story his words fail to proclaim.
I have one little idea I think would work awesome: you have very light rhyme and meter, though loose, is still detectable (as well as delectable). But there is one line that if you change the order, it would complete the circle much better)
The lines:
"You keep your back to her
and pretend that she’s not there
but your eyes give you away completely, my friend,
and I can see in those eyes
such despair and longing"
(the whole would really sing if you changed it to;
"such longing and despair", to rhyme with 'she's not there').
Yep, that's all I have to say besides congrats on the gold and a wonderfully beautiful poem.
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Well.
I changed it.
Just for you
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you're the best! I love it.
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Betrayal
Any form of betrayal is hurtful. But oh the cheater, for many afterwards love making is never the same . For it shall always being there, burned into your mind
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Very true,
thank you for your comment
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"and I can see in those eyes
such despair and longing
that It makes even me want to reach out and touch her."
That line was such a wonderful description of watching someone else love. It made me feel the longing. I really like how you took this quote and you expanded on it, you gave it a story and meaning.
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