Joyfulness wrapped amongst our tongues
Forming words leading to actions
Time does seize,so words take rest
Departing all, but sweet memories
Where sorrow lingers the absence of you
Goodbye becomes a torment.
Author notes
how i feel when having to say goodbye to whom i love.
"Goodbyes are lullabies"
A contest entry
- Simplicity of Goodbye by Darianna.
800 points, ended February 8, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Goodbyes, Are Lullabys by Clinging-to-Life.
900 points, ended April 10, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hmm
Hm...Very deep and touching. I like your word usage here, and thank you for following my rules. I appreciate your entry, best of luck. -
Those last two lines pulled my heart strings in a big way. This is a lovely write. Well done.
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Strong words here. Especially the ending which brings it to a full conclusion. "Goodbye becomes a torment." This write is just perfect in length as well. Sometimes the most meaningful things are said in small amounts. Flow is excellent, and I am once again amazed.
M a r l u x i a
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lovely soulful write.....it truly is so hard to leave a loved one....but such is life......peace
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thanks so much for reading and commentin =)
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Good luck in the contest honey. You have written well here. This short piece is actually quite deep. There is a sadness there that is underlaying. I love this. Well done for this honey. Keep writing.
Your Brother
Wayne Leon
xx
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I'm not sure this really flows as well as it could do but with a little work it has the potential to be a really heart tugging piece. I enjoyed the thoughts in this though. I think it would profit from being a longer piece rather than a short poem.
Thank you for entering my contest. Good luck,
Dari xxx -
In spite of its brevity, this poem conveys powerfully the pain of separation where " Goodbye becomes a torment". There is also a sense of your emotional paralysis when the people you love are missing -"the absence of you" - lovely poem. Tony
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Really poignant and sad take on the prompt. You can feel the hurt of separation dripping from the words. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
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thank you so much for reading and commenting, and thanks for wishing me luck =)
stephanie =)
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