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Hugging


hugging
water birds dragging long liquid tails
between our chests
and loins
and thighs
your wet hair sticking to my scalp
while my eyelashes cut trails from the top to the bottom
of your nipples.

let us twine fingers
as we light a holocaust under the water
and our shared skin boils away
and our twined toes
break.


A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • SerenityNChains gold member
    February 5, 2008
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  • Ladybug
    February 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    great last line killer
    I can only dream of the magic you live and write about
    which is a great fantasy for myself.



    Tamara

    • mimiagatha
      February 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      and you comments bear grains of fantasy magic, dear tambug. thank you for your sunny visit to my shores


  • tara wilson gold member
    February 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this - this is very sensual in a quirky, contemporary way..

    I would maybe change the 'ing' words- you have 3 of them out of 7 words in the first two lines..it might be too many, it's a little hard to read all those ing words so close together???

    In lines 6 & 7 I would change one of the 'wet's or just take one out and not use an adjective at all.

    I really like this one. It's going to the finals. You have time to makes edits..if you want to..

    thanks so much for this entry,..


  • Nicolette gold member
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'hugging'.... ah yes, the closeness, the intimacy, the wrapping... so many words but you chose "water birds dragging long flowing tails"... love that visual; it is so very poetic, my friend. But then, you are a poet. As always romantic, soft, yet with an intense sensual quality.

    ~ Nicolette

    • mimiagatha
      February 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      that's what comes from hearing certain wet words at certain hot moments while listening to ccs playing 'primitive love' in the background at almost full volume... there's no need to think, the words write themselves. thank you as always for being there, my dear nicolette


  • Sonja
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    After your poem I have an urge need to go under the shower
    ~Sonja~

    • mimiagatha
      February 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      in old times you would be stoned with cobblestones for such heresy, in these times with... flowers thank you sweet sonja


      • Sonja
        March 5, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Still... I wasn't stoned with cobblestones thank you for flowers.
        ~Sonja~

1 - 10 of 10