oh, these night-time horrors;
ain't it funny how he can break you
without a word?
&& broken skin brings bloodstains to beauty,
a slippery slope of romance dripping off bodies
like sweat soaking into pillowcases
[but maybe when it dries you can just forget] -
honey, is this really what you wanted?
because you just couldn't take the stares
on saturday nights alone, no
so the make-up screams escort and maybe
just a dash of desperate.
just a dash of do-what-you-will-with-me.
and his emerald eyes were just so mezmerizing,
that so-called innocence
[baby angel-face, say hello to disaster]
masking the leering, the gaping mouth just drooling for a piece of you.
but did you expect anything else dressed like that,
miss i-dress-to-please in miniskirts and hiked-up fashion?
'cause all you really want is somebody to love.
but his hands were clammy, melting ice
gripping too tight, like you were a sirloin steak
[juicy & delicious, he just couldn't wait]
and you followed him blindly, alcohol heavy on your breath
just hoping praying that those damp cobwebbed stairs
would lead to your pretty dream wedding
with the white virgin dress embroidered with lace.
but when the bed was creaking out muffled screams,
coughing tears and choking fears,
[oh, honeymoon suite this ain't]
all you could think was
how could this happen to me.
'cause this is always someone else's story.
&& in the morning, all that's left
is the empty shell of a woman
smashed into pieces.
&& to think,
all you ever wanted was love.
Author notes
It's not really short, but I'm hoping that's okay.
deadpixie020
A contest entry
- Make Me Sad by hey charlie.
470 points, ended February 20, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DirtyPretty - Prewrites or Fresh by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended July 30, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Whatever you want to say. Critiques, anything. :)
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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very deep and strong imagery here, love the metaphors you use in this and how you make me feel as if I am feeling the pain of the hurt that has been caused to the persona you have adapted, perhaps yourself?
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oh, these night-time horrors;
ain't it funny how he can break you
without a word
&& in the morning, all that's left
is the empty shell of a woman
smashed into pieces.
&& to think,
all you ever wanted was love.
Some parts were pretty good, but others were weak.
Its not really a new style, but still.
thanks. Kat
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I love the comment below...
I was captivated by this write...."horribly beautiful" is a concise and precise description of this powerful piece. Visual, vivid, and emotional... and It succeeds at something I strive for in my work..expression of personal feelings, thoughts, and memories in a universal fashion.... Congrats, Mat
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This is horribly beautiful. I read it five times just because I loved how the story plays out. You're a wonderful writer. Thanks for entering.
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You have a nice way of making an horrible sitution...actually seem beautiful
And that my friend is something only someone with talent can do
[here are some clappys for you awesome work]
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Loved it
I really like this.. Great story..
I like the way it flows, and.. wow..
Great. 10/10 =]
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I really liked it, the imagery was wonderfully seedy, which I hope and think was the aim, else I cannot interpret anything for the life of me. I loved the steak metaphor and the final 5 lines especially!
Well done, and good luck
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ha, yeah, definitely the aim. thank you much
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