You sat me down gently on the sandy shores at night, underneath the shiny stars in the moonlight.
Then next then I know you broke my heart in two, telling me you had to go and other things to do.
Oh how I felt so much sorrow and woe, after you left me here under this lunar rainbow sky and walked away telling me goodbye.
Why would you leave me here like this, knowing your love making and sweet kisses I will miss.
Honey how could you have broken my delicate heart I thought we would be together from the start?
But now all I ever do is cry since you left me and told me goodbye.
Author notes
Option 2
In a list
A contest entry
- Simplicity of Goodbye by Darianna.
800 points, ended February 8, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options: titles, topics... by LostInTheDream.
450 points, ended February 8, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Goodbyes, Are Lullabys by Clinging-to-Life.
900 points, ended April 10, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tryyy and fit a square into a circle :] *OPTIONS* by innocence jaded.xx.
525 points, ended May 2, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Hmm..the words in this piece seem forced to me. It seems as if you are trying to hard to use similes and imagery or rather, the choice of wording you used seems not to fit. This peice doesn't flow well when I read it, and though your thoughts are in order and not random, your wording and long sentences take away from the intensity of the event. I like what your trying to do, but to be blunt, you didn't succeed in your goal. Thank you for entering.
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You took the option and made it seem easy making it your own. Good luck in the contest, I hope you do well.
Kelli -
I do have to agree that you seem to be in conflict with my 6 line rule here. It's like you've tried to squeeze it. I really feel this could do better being spaced out and allowed to stretch much as it seems to want to. I think it's a lovely poem though.
Thankyou for entering my contest.
Dari xxx -
awwww this is sooo sad, beautiful write. but it's supposed to be 6lines, so better change it or something, though it would be so hard seeign how lovely i already find this poem =)
wonderful write and good luck
stephanei -
The contest calls for six lines - and this is just at conflict with the requirements, one wonders why such an artificial approach has been used, whatever the merits of the content.
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