Envy

You
standing there.
So full of yourself.
and so confident.

I want that!

I scream internally as I think and think
but never speak my mind

so no one knows who I am.
and that isn't my plan!

they see only the shy, quiet me,
never giving me a chance to be
really who I am.

I envy you.
You may be a selfish bitch,
who manipulates others
to get what you want.

But you know how to get,
what you want.
and how to convince
others that it was their idea.

You are yourself no matter what
and what you think is what you say
and if others critisize you for it
you don't flinch, you blink it away.

And I just with I had half the confidence
that you claim as your own.
So that i can be myself
and not seem awkward and stupid.
and others won't overlook me as much.

I envy you
more than you can ever know.