As a child
my parents gave
a string line to me.
It was knotted
in a huge ball
with ends
I couldn't see.
I was ordered
to untangle the line
then to wind it right.
I struggled throughout
my childhood with
their
Gordian fright.
when the task was
finished the line was
loooong and thin and white.
I knew just what
to do with it
I tied it to a kite.
To this day
I love the feeling
of flying
at that hight.
But if there
is any line
I detest, its
loooong and thin and white.
Sixtyish now
and then
I have chosen
since that time.
Lines painted
in vibrant hues
with brushes
six feet wide
Loaded and sloppy
with pigment
that splats
off either side.
From an expansive angle
I find that
its in the nature
of fine lines to tangle
Author notes
Writing Wretch For me this poem is about learning discipline and tenacity. Difficult but worthwhile for the rest of one's life, like learning to read and like reading giving one the tools to make thoughtful, individual choices.
A contest entry
- Favorites Only Please! Thank You! by poetryality.
1500 points, ended September 1, 2008, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you understand this poem to be about?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I understand and relate. I was raised by a very strict father and a very liberal mother. There was balance in my rearing so, I guess I turned out all right. I like the idea of your poem, and the message it spins.
Please place your screen name in the author's comments so that I can be sure you are on my "Favorites List". I wish you the best in this challenge, and Thank You for the entry.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Thank you for your kind comment.
I am honored. Sorry I mistook your meaning and submitted my earlist(lifeline was my first poem) and another a recent favorite.
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kind of choppy for me to read, but the idea behind the poem is good. since you're rhyming, it makes sense to see to the meter being consistent. predictable rhyme tends to create an expectation of predictable meter. rhyme without meter tends to create a an especially choppy feel to the read.
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wow this is great
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sorry about the type o's. Its suppose to be " everything rhymes it doesn't sound sing-song".
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aptilnadeau
Its nice to communicate with a 14 year old. I am a 63, a greatgrandma, and still have cut scars - body and soul. My poem is ok, but here is a great one by Philip Larkin, the one time British poet laurate. Very famous. Shows what you can do with this specific kind of suffering if you endure and keep writing. Time, work, suffering and talent can lead to greatness. Give yourself that chance.
THIS BE THE VERSE
They fuck you up , your mum and dad
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
and half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
I recomend you read this out loud a couple of times. Pay attention to the rhythm, and line brakes. Notice how though everything rhythem it does sound sing-song. Poems are meant to be heard! What is his tone? Is he angry? What is his point of view. All this is how you leard to write. READ out loud. aprilnadeau
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it really means alot to tlk to you, my grandpa died not long ago of cancer and my grandma of a heart atack. and i really like what you sent me
and hope we can become great poetry friends
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I would like to be you poetry pal also. I am sorry for your loss. Lets have some poems about how you are feeling during this time, then go back in a year and seen how you delt with thoes feelings. Writing helps clairify them but I'm told it takes about 5 years to do justice to the whole situation. I'll bet that seem like a long time to you. I want to read more of your work but don't know how to access it on this sight . Please advise
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umm i think you Click on my name AliOTR and then at the top click on 'show poetry' or scrol down near the bottom and there is a 'see all' link
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Hi, again
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