You said not to do this, and so here I am
Destroying the remarks I don't understand
Aggression is suppressed, emotions held back
Don't keep me victim for feelings I lack
Ripped on the inside; concern gone astray
Pasting a facade that's lived day to day
Tear down your fortress of secure assaults
Bleeding, not breathing; this is all your fault
Tampered pre-records of morbid unknown
True colors posing as dark as they're shown
Facts to facetious to forlorn to fear
Dig out those tissues for scars to appear
Poignant portrayal that cost not a dime
Solo dissection to outdistance time
Surreal delusions; existence in vain
We can demolish our life once again.
Scalpel to cutlass to nail cutter knives
Torn within tatters of those who survive
Why I would do this; you don't understand
But like or dislike it - this is who I am
Author notes
I haven't cut myself [I swear]
Picture credit: i am the drain
My picture has been removed by moderators. You may still access it by clicking on the link where the picture is credited.
Who was featuring my poem? I'd like to thank you ♥
In a list
A contest entry
- 100 or more!!! by Laura Lamarca.
450 points, ended April 19, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Celebrating Gold by Cupcrazy.
1400 points, ended May 13, 2008, 39 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Craze Contest by BlackSwan.
550 points, ended June 29, 2008, 84 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Now you tell me:
Comments
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I love the way you rhyme!
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Wow, this is definitely my favorite from what I've read so far. I LOVE the rhyming and the strength of the message.
excellent
-GL in contest -
Remarkable...
I saw all the comments and had to see what I had missed. Outstanding effort..powerful, vivid, excellent rhyme scheme and rhythm.
Hats off, and a bow...
Mat
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Oh, you've not missed much at all
But thank you for stopping by
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It's hard to believe that you have never cut yourself. This is a very realistic poem with raw emotion...You painted the perfect picture with your words. Thank you so much the entry and good luck.
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It's not never - just not anymore
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The picture link is gone...what was the picture of?
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Scalpel to cutlass to nail cutter knives
Torn within tatters of those who survive
Why I would do this; you don't understand
But like or dislike it - this is who I am
[You may never have cut yourself...but it was still a great poem neverless]
sometimes it seems that's the best way to let em kno.I am who i am...deal with it!!! good luck! -
intense write. great language; i also have to say the background really added to the poem. thanks for entering
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Wonderful piece, emotional and compelling with great verbiage. Thanks for the excellent entry. Hugs, Bunny
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yea, I agree. No wonder so many people has commented on this poem, it's a wonderful and emotional and amazing poem. It's more than words can express, truly and deeply. You are a fabulous poetry writer, and I hope that you never stop writing. =D
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Wow. No wonder this is at the top of the 'popular' list. A beautiful and powerful write. Your use of vocabulary is exquisite, as is your flow. Excellent write, and congrats on the trophy
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Thank you
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Sweetheart I forgot that I already read this.
After reading a second time, I can see why
it got so many applause. I told you that this
piece is so you. Which is a very good thing.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Granny
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this needs more than just a honorable winner cup! You should enter it into antoher contest. Maybe the promp was wrong for this, but I think this poem needs to win a gold!!
Very well done!!!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
LOLA ...
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Thank you for the compliment!
I have won more than HM on this, don't worry - I just remove the trophies from the poems
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2nd verse, 2nd line "facade" - "façade"; though I reckon if you can't do the symbol it's okay the other way.
"We can demolish our life once again." - this is the only line I found to be out-of-place based upon pace. The other lines, especially the one above this, have a clear cut pace to it but this one is a straight through read (if you understand what I'm stating) and just reads a bit off to me.
Other than that, a great poem that you've written.
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This actually made rhyming look.. good.
The vocabulary is out of my reach but anywho, I loved it. -
Word are indeed your stronghold. I wouldn't dare mess with you.
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you better not
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This is very dark, and not as well rhymed as some poems I have found here so far. But it was well worth reading.
There do seems to be too many poems on this subject, I've only joined today and found loads! I'm off to find happy poems! -
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Good Luck
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this was a fabulous piece. and with a great rhyme scheme as well.
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Thank you - I like your display pic, by the way
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What a great read! love how this is penned out and the rhyming is great. The subject is full of emotion and soul, and is captured PERFECTLY. Thanks for a wonderful read
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what a quilling!!!
NOW thats a good quilling! Happy to see that its not forced,This poem has great flow and it has that raw emotion that makes a reader feel like they are involved! So alot of people can have a strong poem such as this and then lose it in the end....I can say truthfulllllly that your poem ended so strong that I felt like I was punched in the gut! Good going this write rocks my socks. Applauds hard ... and you earned it.
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Thank you!
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" You said not to do this, and so here I am "
That first sentence, is so you,
you are such your only person.
" But like or dislike it - this is who I am "
Last sentence is so you too.
You are the queen of dark,
you are you, someone to be proud of.
Great write Sweetheart.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Granny
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It's all that I am
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Wow
Deep Heartfelt .. straight from the soul.
I loved it .. Dark.
Awesome write
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thank you
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holy crap! i love it!!!!!!
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I liked this!
but it's a little dark for me.
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i like i
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I am rather impressed, I do prefer my rhyme exact and this has a few half rhymes but I like it a lot, I am glad you have never cut yourself.
Well written poem.
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never say never
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I see a lot of emotions expressed in creative words of deep feeling you don't understand.You did an absouletly great job he impressive! keep on writing.
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Whoever said I didn't understand them?
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in my few short years of life i have seen and experienced quite a lot, but of all the things i've seen this is one of the best poems ive ever seen. (please pardon poor sentence structure, i'm extraordiarily tired
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This poem is like WOW!! I couldn't help but think of all the pain I have gone through with similar situations in this poem. Good stuff, Keep writing poems!
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Good flow and rythym. Interesting description of something written about quite often. I really enjoyed it.
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I could really feel it. I LOVED it.
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hi
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outstanding
I am amazed at the word flow and the use of the words to really paint a picture. I think this is very well written, very powerful and a great read. thank you.
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Very Deep
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Wow this is just awesome indeed!,I was interested the whole way through this,I am glad I clicked this as personally I think its a masterpiece,Hazel
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Oh I really liked this. I actually read it over and over again because it was a little confusiong and then I liked it so much, I just read it a couple more times. lol A great peice. and the last line leaves a good punch. great write. keep it up...
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really great poem I would pick out the parts that I liked best, but I enjoyed the whole thing!! I never lost interest, which is good because I tend to do that alot. anyway, great write, keep it up, and good luck in your contest!
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Dig out those tissues for scar to appear. Wow, what a crazy line. That one keeps catching for me. And destroying the remarks I don't understand. hoooweee.
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really awesome poem
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I like this one
the flow wasnt always continuous, but I loved the poetic imagery.you have a way with words and thats what makes this a great write. -
Brilliant rhyming here, this was a very effective, dark piece. It was eye opening, your first stanza was the best in my opinion, but you wrapped it up nicely as well. Very good, thanks for sharing,
KP -
great write I really enjoyed it
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Amazing
This is excellent. It flows and it beautifully dark and the form is perfect!
Encore!
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"Why I would do this; you don't understand
But like or dislike it - this is who I am"
Those lines it me like a bullet train.
I've been in this position, a long time ago when I was young and niave. Someone once told me that if I loved them, I wouldn't do it. I did it anyway, because they didn't love me. If you're that far down - you don't care about anyone but yourself, even though you really don't.
I love this, alot. -
You said not to do this, and so here I am
Destroying the remarks I don't understand
actually my favorate lines. Some times it is not the most painful imageries that evoke the most painful emotions. I appreciate the couple spots of subtlety in your poem. -
I'm glad you haven't cut yourself. Good job on the take. I can't help but wonder why kids want to do this anyway.
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Trust me, you don't want to know either
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so much pain and so depressed! You must see world with more optimism. Life's so good and pretty to live. But your poem is a fabulous stuff. you have brought out your pain so vividly. it simple touches another heart and makes it share for a moment
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anxiously excellent
Great alliteration. Gives it a staccato feel like a knife sticking the skin over and over. -
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You've clicked on this before ..
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i love your poem...its soo goo
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This is a diffucult subject but you put so much feeling into it. Even someone who is against cutting can feel the pain pulsing from the lines of your poem. AMAZING WORK!
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Mesmorizing
This Poem Is Very Deep...Wonderful Words...I Myself, Know What It Is Like To Cut...I Still Do It Even Today..Sometimes, It's Not Even A Conscious Act, On My Part...This Poem Really Describes The Pain of Cutting...Well Done, My Friend...X_x
- xXxPsycho KilllerxXx
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This is a great poem. Of course... You already know that with all of your comments.
Jeez! How'd you get so many? Kinda interesting...very interesting... How do you know what it is like? I guess it pretty obvious what cutting yourself is like. IT MUST HURT!!!! I wouldn't cut myself, just because I don't feel very happy. (That isn't a good thing.) So... don't cut! (Just making sure you understand that you shouldn't.) Do you think you could lose the picture? It creeps me out. But this is still good poem.
-Beyond Da` (Awsome) Craziness
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You are crazy
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a difficult subject
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Excellent!
This did a heroic feat in telling the lament of a cutter. The pix fits astoundingly well too. Great empathy! Peace.
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I don't know about heroic, but I'm happy with what came out - thank you
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Great
I really love this, The rhyming scheme isnt too... cheesey like it is with most poems. It flows really well. Well done
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If the rhyme scheme will make it cheesy, what's the use in making the poem at all?
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this is such a gorgeous poem. it has soooo much emotion and manages to stay sounding melancholic and reproachful despite the rhyme scheme. I really felt this poem so very very well done!!
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Thanks
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wow
especially for u never cutting ireally liked it -
interesting picture. i like the look of the blood on how it run down the arm.
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I have the picture credit in my notes if you'd like to click and check - the artist has some really nice pictures
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WOW
AMAZING....
That poem shows that you put a lot of effort into that poem!!!
ALOT of graphic by the way!
but that just describes your feelings!
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yup - thank god it's just the feelings and not the act
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WONDERFUL!
Very graphic. It really helps it play out in your mind. All in all, it's a beautiful poem that was written just as beautifully. Brings out a lot of feelings.
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Thank you
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isabelwk
Very graphic for someone who doesn't cut. I like the symmetry of your words. Alliteration always fascinates me.Makes me think of my teens. Angst-ridden.
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Most of the teens are angst-ridden - in time they learn though
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I am speechless at this,but this is just awesome indeed!
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amazing
i can't find the words to describe how much i liked this poem
nice one. lol -
wow!
Those are deep words that makes it sound so well, it took my breath away nicely done. -
the picture is awesome.
Love the poem, great spoken word to tremor on. See ya around.
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Ha! I like your Author Notes!
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Speechless
"Aggression is suppressed, emotions held back
Don't keep me victim for feelings I lack..."
"Why I would do this; you don't understand
But like or dislike it - this is who I am..."
You have found the words to explain how I always feel. I love every word... GREAT JOB!!!
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Thanks
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to me you've caught the feeling of frustration in trying to explain to others why we do certain things. you've used cutting in this poem and the reader can substitute with their own behavior
very clever and entertaining rhyme too if I could do rhyme this is the style I'd choose
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Thank you
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OMG!
oh my gosh!!!!! loved it LOVED IT LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Tear down your fortress of secure assaults
Bleeding, not breathing; this is all your fault"
My absolute favorite part! Amazing work!
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I'm flattered
thank you
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i really like this, it portrays the situation well, it flows well and has a clear message, this is a brilliant poem on this subject.
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Thank you so much
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awesome
This poem is incredible, its so beautiful yet almost sinister. You really paint the image really well, especially in the last stanza, although all of it is just awesome. I think you've done very well to portray feelings (weather your own from personal experience I don't know). The last line of the second stanza is literally indescribable for me. In all, this is an awesome poem, the only thing I would like to see is it being longer.
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I'm glad that you liked this
Oh, and about wanting it longer, lol - people would get bored
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lol well i wouldnt
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