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Eyes Greener than Jealousy

Green flames inside passive orbs flicker--
watching, staring, burning with tears.

Clear droplets fall like springtime rain,
but not lifegiving, only bitter salt.

A whisper,
a sob,
a choked scream of rage,
all subdued for now.

"I hate you,"
"You don't deserve this,"
and
"Why can't I, too?"
all swirl in the emerald inferno of the subconscious.

A gentle release of breath.
The wind makes the surrounding trees shiver.

"I'll wait."

A contest entry

please tell me what to improve

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Comments


  • PatheticKt
    February 10, 2008

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    a straightforward yet descriptive piece this is ^^ i like how you used the color 'green' in different aspects to show how jealousy isn't that great at all n.n


  • twaintwine
    February 7, 2008

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    Resigned

    The resignation is subtle, yet reverberates in the world in the form of the wind...very Elizabethan, this world view. I liked it, though feel it could be a little more straight forward and not so hidden.


  • moluv10
    February 6, 2008

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    I really like this. The last line really brings this wonderful poem home. Best of luck in the contest.