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The Ties That Bind

http://allpoetry.com/images/ext/Image/40/761.jpg

Stitched up like some unwanted hole,
amalgamation of pain and
everything forgotten--

velveteen dream,
we all grow up eventually,
and no amount of dewdrop tears can change that.

Miscarried hopes
pressed between skeletal shoulder blades,
held in place by threads of doubt.

Too small for such a burden,
not strong enough--
mirroring us all.

Manufactured monster,
poor sutured babes, at least
you'll always have each other.


Author notes

Picture:: birth of the white rabbit.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Ladyfyre
    February 6, 2008

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    Eerily Picturesque

    Nicely done, darling. I caught the reference to the Velveteen Rabbit, with the "dewdrop tears"... it's a really suffocatingly sad little story, istn't it? Hm. ...NoStaLGia... the scent of lavendar bathrooms and pink tubs...

    ~Ladee


  • Exodus gold member
    February 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    If you meant to have the link at the top of your poem show the picture it didn't work

    I thought your language was amazing, it really grabbed me. There was a line or two that read as a bit simplistic in comparison to the rest of the poem but other than that this was a lovely piece. Thank you


    • WindUpEnigma gold member
      February 3, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      I did not mean it to show a pic--I only have a free membership, I don't think I can put a picture up. But I wanted the link to be there, so people could see my inspiration.
      Which lines were simplistic? Always looking to be able to improve.
      Thanks for hosting this.


      • Exodus gold member
        February 3, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Personally I thought "we all grow up eventually, / and no amount of dewdrop tears can change that." was the bit that held it back.
        While they're nice lines, in the poem they come off as being not quite right


        • WindUpEnigma gold member
          February 4, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Ever read The Velveteen Rabbit? This picture actually made me think more of that story than Alice In Wonderland, so I felt I had to throw it in there somewhere...

          • Exodus gold member
            February 4, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            No I haven't but now that you've mentioned it I'll have to go out and find it


  • Naridill
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the ideas you have painted here. The ending was gripping but I feel the effect of prior should be more fluent. The flow would increase with more spacing. Try replacing the 'you' and etcs.

    Thanks for entering,


  • SignifyingNothing
    February 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "we all grow up eventually,
    and your dewdrop tears can't change that."

    Awesome. I saw this prompt on the contest, and I thought I'd love to enter, but I just didn't have the time...Now I see its just as well, for you will no doubt win with this one. At least, you deserve some kind of trophy.

    Incredibly powerful were the ending lines:

    poor sutured babes, at least you know
    you'll always have each other.


    • WindUpEnigma gold member
      February 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much...though I think even I will be surpassed, in this one. If you liked mine, you should check another one in the contest, "Embryonic Echo Of Symbolic Similarities," by...Laura something, I think...hers just blew me away. You should still enter, though...it's all in fun, anyway. ^.^
      Thanks again.

1 - 11 of 11