Seething in this human husk,
that veils the bones of eternity,
that hides the holes that spiral inside silently.
Not wanting to be seen,
and yet praying to not be forgot.
Suffocating within Ahriman's secret circle pocket.
Tragedy becomes me.
Embodied misfortune,
living, beating, outside the borders of grace.
Continually treading in escape.
Numbing these skin smothered walls.
Watching the nothing as it falls and falls and falls.
Why haven't they come for me?
I've asked so many times, ever so sweetly.
I must deserve this fate of,
black on black,
slate to slate.
Or else they would have rescued me.
They say they're never late...
I must be the Gods grim mistake.
Continuously living out in checkmate.
whats going on in your portal?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Great write.
-
Except for nitefire, who seems to have captured the poem,
[this person is very insightful]
the other comments are very kind, but to pedestrian for the social injustice that is so exquisitely penned here.
As always, you have grasped what has held our society in stagnant, suffocating despair for way to long.
Truth and those who speak it have been not only shunned. but actually punished. There is money to be made in the current atmosphere..the gullible pay and donate to false hope, their silence pregnant with longing, incarcerating the prophets of light and truth...and it will continue, we hang them on crosses for all to see the consequences of speaking out,
and know one is better at this then the Divided States. Are you a grim mistake of the Gods...
or was believing we could ever be saved the biggest mistake of mankind ...the blackness seems to be getting even blacker....checkmate.....game over...The meek shall inherit nothing.
You are amazing.
You are a poet.
Blessings lassie,
LOWELL
-
I have often felt this way but I believe that it is the intent of those who are in control to make the intelligent thinking minority feel this way exacly. Alienate and jail the truth seekers and tell the rest of the world they are crazy...it has worked so far...
This is a poem that is so eloquently writ that it made forget the sad tone. I love the imagery and I even love the desperate tone. These lines really got me...
"living, beating, outside the borders of grace.
Continually treading in escape."
I cannot wait to give your other work some attention and will do this when time permits.
-
a very well written piece!!!!
-
very awesome piece of writing ...
-
good write...
Minor spelling note... "The Gods'" applies to more than one, "God's" applies to a singular God.
That minor edit aside, this is a compelling piece...I agree with the one comment below about the lines...
"Why haven't they come for me?
I've asked so many times, ever so sweetly.
I must deserve this fate of,
black on black,
slate to slate.
Or else they would have rescued me."
Good stuff... Mat
. Rewarded 8
-
good
"the God's " either drop "the" or "'" for correct grammar. Your poem paints the page with descriptive words that bring the essence of your experience into our conscious mind and we can walk in your shoes for a short time and feel what you feel. A heart warming story that carries a message of despair.
. Rewarded 6
-
well...
it does seem sometimes the Gods make grim mistakes, and life doesn't get any easier from there... believe me, i know.... i'm 51...
still, great write!
"Numbing these skin smothered walls.
Watching the nothing as it falls and falls and falls.
Why haven't they come for me?
I've asked so many times, ever so sweetly.
I must deserve this fate of,
black on black,
slate to slate.
Or else they would have rescued me.
They say they're never late...
I must be the God's grim mistake.
Continuously living out in checkmate."
been living in check, or so it seems, for years, knowing that one move and it's checkmate...
mike, aka jonathan wikkins -
this one gets me thinking and it seems so ture at times. it is a very good write and it flows nicly together.
-
I love this.
A suggestion: What about substituting "forgotten" for "forgot" in "and yet praying to not be forgot." I think the pairing of "forgotten" and "pocket" would still be just as strong.
The ending is powerful.
"I must deserve this fate of,
black on black,
slate to slate.
Or else they would have rescued me.
They say they're never late,"
Just perfect.
(though I'd lose the comma after of- just me)
Great great write.
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
