I guess you could say I’m not at my best
Too proud to stop and
Too good to resist
To release my frustration
You won’t be hard-pressed
I just hope you’re not round
When I’m in this mess
Cause you’ll feel the fall out
And no doubt get the blame
That you don’t deserve
But it’s always the same
A dirty bomb of foul statements
And false punches ensues
Faced with no consequence
And no hanging noose
“Just drop it” you say, “it’s not worth your time”
I know this is true when I step past the line
I tell you “I can’t help it”
“It can’t be my fault”
Shirking my duty
In a verbal assault
One day I’ll go further
I can feel it inside
So please go somewhere
That I cannot find
Stay there forever because I’m just getting worse
More aggressive each day
Like a child I curse
Maturity shrinking
You thought I was passed that age
Where every minor problem
I faced with a rage
So ignore these ill-tempered
Onslaughts at you
Do not engage
And get sucked in too
Cause you will be the fall out
And no doubt will be blamed
That you don’t deserve
As much as I don’t, your name
I guess you could say
That I’m not at my best
Too proud to stop
Too tired to resist
In a moment of clarity
This is what I confess
Please take notice now
And have no regrets
Cause I am the fall out
That I cause each day
So childish and angry
Take my toys away
Tie me up in the corner
With bows and with string
Leave me to rot and don’t miss a thing
I am the fall out, don’t stop to see
I am the fall out, no one but me
Author notes
My first conscious attempt at anything really song-like. It's aimed fairly at my loved ones who see a much less poetic side of me. I blame it on England being bad at sports, if we weren't there wouldn't be a hole in the door at the moment. Comments appreciated as I would like to move in this song-driven direction(but I'm not giving up poetry by any stretch of the imagination). Thanks
Option 6
A contest entry
- Get Mad by RunningFree.
525 points, ended March 10, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Angry Anyone?? by A-Daisy-Among-Roses.
900 points, ended December 6, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Suggestions?
Comments
1 - 63 of 63
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I like it. It has alot of feeling and is well written. Good write
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Thanks
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Seems like I read this ...
before, and must have missed this:
You thought I was passed that age (past that age)
otherwise, this isn't bad. It's far from your best poem though. It rambles too much. If you cut it down, it would be stronger and work better. -
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Thanks, I shall maybe work on it through the summer
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It's kinda long and there were some parts that you lost me on, but overall this piece was strong and nicely done. Thanks for entering.
xoxo
pixie -
Honestly, I think it best as a Poem, it is a very good one indeed, as a song, I think it entirely too long, by the time you add some sort of chorus this would be about 20 minutes or better, now, if the score was absolutely incredible like say "Cashmere" like, then it could be done nicely.
but as it sits, it stands alone as a very very good poem.
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I can only presume you mean Led Zeppelin and if so that's a quick ass song...well...I prefer their music to their actual singing!
I've tried writing another song Out-Danced The Devil, if you want a look
Thanks for your comment as always! x
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I Can Relate
There are times when I have felt the same way as this:
"I guess you could say I’m not at my best
Too proud to stop and
Too good to resist"
I like the self reflection in this. That is the best part of this piece. It is like reading someone's personal journal entry.
I also enjoyed the way in which this sounds like lyrics. Personally I think that this would make great song lyrics.
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Thank you
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I really enjoyed reading this poem. Nice write!!
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Thank you very much x
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hmmm....
Interesting. The ideas of the piece are communicated in a skillful manner. It's interesting. I read in the authors notes that it's supposed to be lyrics to a song. Some of the lines probably should be made longer for that. Anyway, good luck and thanks for entering my contest. -
only a leicester supporter would be such an emotional train wreck eh?
hahahaha, the lack of punctuation is good (in responce to the below comment) and i really liked this one, it had a good flow and meaning, nice job.
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Haha, damn straight!
Thanks x
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I totally understand this. This is very well written. I'm a little thrown off with the lack of punctuation but then it's because I'm a fanatic! It's beautiful and incredibly insightful.
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Thank you x
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Fantastic!
Your meter seems a bit off sometimes, and the rhyming a bit choppy, but that happens to the best of us. I've never been able to write anything songlike, because it bugs me when songs don't rhyme in all their lines. Your attempt was a good one and I really liked this piece.
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Thanks for the comment
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I can see this as a song...a bit lengthy and might need to be re-worked a little but I think it is a very good write. The emotion and the power of it is real and intense. You make the reader evaluate themselves when reading this! I thought it flowed very well too!
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Yeah I agree, shortening and reworking would help Thanks for your comment x
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lyrics
Yes, you are right. These words are more closely aligned to lyrics than song, mainly because your statements are full of generalizations and cliches. These are things which work much better in song, than in poetry.
Good luck with your quest. -
YOur words are words that I feel many will be able to relate with. I did not feel it as a song while reading it. Just a poem with words that meant alot and emotional. Well done, thanks for sharing
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LOL ...
this is funny, or at least your comment was. I think you meant "past that stage", not "passed". All in all, this isn't a bad write, but it's too long, even for a song, unless you've talking Ina Gadda Davida or whatever it was, or maybe Alice's Restaurant. Somehow I actually can see Arlo Guthrie singing this, although I suspect you're thinking of somebody much more "modern". If so, too bad, as this isn't really "modern" in any sense. It's a country/ folk type verse. Aside from all that, you've not done badly here.
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Did you see the study ...
the Germans did on watching sports. Whenever they were too involved in the games, there were massive numbers of strokes and heart attacks just after, didn't matter if their team won or lost. They just got too excited. Don't grow up being TOO involved.
Alice's Restaurant was a counter-culture protest song against the rightwinger government the U.S. had in the late 60's and early 70's. It was hilarious. You can google it and get the lyrics if you want to see them. They were good. I don't think he ever had a really big hit after that, but that one was priceless.
I'm sitting here with an ear infection in both ears. Makes sitting up exciting, as everything keeps going in circles and I feel like I'm going to fall out of my chair every so often. I don't dare tell anybody I'm dizzy because they would probably come back with "How can you tell?"
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Haha no I didn't see that!!!
I hate getting too involved, I think I'm just not gonna watch in future
Ahh ear infections, I used to get them, especially when I was little. I remember having the most disgusting "banana" flavour medicine, I think that was worse than the infection!!
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Well England did win the football yesterday and both the cricket matches so I'm fairly calm at the moment
I'm afraid I don't know ANY of those people or songs
Thanks for your comment x
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Has a nice beat to it...I liked it alot...im trying to play bass so Yah! music could be put to it real easy
Thanks for sharing
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Good luck with the bass! Thank you for your comment
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Lol- Good luck with guitar, I tried it once...it was to boring for me....And I couldn't figure out what string was which Xd. Wonderful job, when I was reading this I was actually thinking 'this would be pretty good as a tune' and than I learn it is. At first I thought the flow was a little shaky, but overall it came across well. Your last stanza I thought was the most powerful. You really got a phase of anger across- Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for a great comment! x take care x
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I like this! You describe anger very well. There's really not much you can do to control it but sequester yourself. I think my favorite part is the last verse, which is simply marvelous - especially the last two lines. You might consider using those lines more throughout because they have a great ring to them, and seem to sum up the point of the song aptly.
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Not relevant! (Well I suppose it is!) But guess what! I've started trying to teach myself guitar! So now I can write music and lyrics (well when I've got passed simple chords etc!)
x
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Very cool! I need to learn guitar myself. I've been writing too many lyrics lately and I have nothing to do with them! Well, some of them I try to accompany on the keyboard but I'm not that good. And I'd rather learn guitar than keyboard. Anyway, good luck learning those chords! I bet with your music knowledge writing tunes will be a snap.
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I had a dream that I learnt to play so I took it as a sign! (I even use a coin to strum as I did in my dream too ha! This coming from someone who doesn't believe dreams mean anything)
I used to play keyboard/piano and it would be good to get back into that too so I could...vary things a little. There's loads of help on line for guitarists so I advise you just get out there and try! Luckily my dad used to play a little so we have a guitar which he tuned and explained the notes and frets and things
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You played with a coin in your dream? That seals the deal right there, you're going to be a sickeningly rich and famous musician.
See, I on the other hand believe dreams can tell us alot more than we have any hopes of understanding while conscious.
Anyway, I think you're right about just diving in. I've been waiting for some imaginary guitar sensei to come along and "train" me for far too long.
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Hey up!!
No good at sports, I know what you mean about Leicester but don't drag us Stokies down with you!! Lalalalalalala lalala lalala, lalalal lalala! good song eh! Sing when you're winning you only sing when you're winning...
thats another one! The usual good write which is now expected of you. U.F.I.
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Did you watch the rugby? God it was awful. I mean we played really well and only scored one try and then were like...nah we don't deserve to win, here Wales take the ball and score a few times. The bastards
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Don't know much about English sports but thought the lyrics of this poem where very easy to read and understand. Lots of rhyme here, and not sure if that much is needed in a song, many times there is also repetition in a chorus, but I am sure you will get to that yet. Keep trying. Practice makes perfect.
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I can see this as a song. I like the fact that you can tell it is real emotions dispalyed. The heart is something you can't deny. Very well done
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Thanks!x
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Oh I think this could totally be a song.
You don't really need a perfectly constant meter, and it's very good poemsong at the moment
'Casue I am the fall out
That I cause each day'
I think that was probably my favorite line
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Thanks for your comment and applause x
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I don't know much about lyrics.... I would think they would need rhythm... which this piece sadly does not have... I'm not sure though. I thought this one was very poetic... In a very interesting way. It was very emotionally there, and had some very powerful lines in there...
"I just hope you’re not round
When I’m in this mess"
Don't you mean... I just hope you're not AROUND? I don't know if you just used round because it sounded better, or had the right flow to it or something... But, that's just one of the errors I grabbed.
Nice job though... It had a nice idea behind it, great write
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To me and others this had rhythm but then again this is my first shot at it...
around - the flow doesn't work, so it is supposed to be round and it isn't an error...
Thanks for your support though x -
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ah ok sorry.
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Very emotional and with just the right amount of force. A wonderful insight. Nice job! Very emotional and slightly powerful. It's a great onsight and beautifully written. Nice job!
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Thank you very much x
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Cause you’ll feel the fall out
And no doubt get the blame
That you don’t deserve
But it’s always the same
A dirty bomb of foul statements
And false punches ensues
Faced with no consequence
And no hanging noose
It appears we have a songwriter in our midst..
Good song, I can hear it in my head. I'm sorry you're so enraged, you accomplished much with it, however, and I hope you will comtinue,
jin
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Thanks for your comment and applause! x
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I really like this,you expressed yourself very well,England does have its good things about it you know,Awesome write!
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Yeah I love England most of the time! Thanks for your comment x
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I think it is great the song the rhythm though your poor loved ones!!
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Thank you!
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Whoa, when we lose we lose with honour,bad at sports? We have sportsmanship! Phew, glad I got that off my chest, have yet to watch a world cup with an unbiased ref
Ok. Songs are surely poetry that has music added? Not unless you are thinking of that song that goes Da Da Da , Da Da Da Da Da, I always smile when it plays on the radio for how selective are the collective that buy lyrics like that?
I liked your lyrics, they are angsty without adding angst to the reader/listener, I liked the repetition, every popular song has a " hook line" and it's always the bit that everyone sings along with.
Methinks this may be a tad long and perhaps could be pared and honed but it's your choice as the creator. Checkout James Lockheart on ap, he writes and adds music and you can click to hear the audio, maybe give you inspiration, hope so.
All the best with your creativity
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Losing with honour, ha!
I haven't heard that particular "song"(maybe I have!) but I know what you mean. Thanks for the encouragement and support. I've started reading a book called "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Songwriting" so that contains lots of useful information on Hooks etc.
I agree, maybe it is a bit long, and could be honed, but given the situation I think I will leave it as it is. Thanks for your great comment, much appreciated x
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I really liked your honesty. You really put your battle with aggression out there with this. It is a never ending battle, testosterone makes it so. Short of cutting off your balls one just has to learn to channel it into less destructive tedencies, like this poem. Great write.
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Thanks for your support
I will try all available methods before resorting to that x
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:O:O
You already know how fanfuckintastic this peice is-it really is song driven and has a constant beat throughout.
In fact, if this has any flaws [which I havent found any]
the beat alone would overcome it all and make this look perfect!
I like this title much better [than that long long one, lol]
I have nothing to say
I will feature
Don't dare stop me
[although I don't see how you could]
Never ♥
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love the use of a swear word in the middle of another word, that's my trick
Thanks, I appreciate it lots, I prefer this title too, though my Dad took the first one very well. x
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it's so good boo.. don't be too angry about the rugby, lets support china now? i'm not sure how good they are though... i'm not very good with rugby (or any sport involving balls).. hope you're okay. thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx iloveyou x
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Thanks babe lol
I'm pretty sure China are worse in most sports (you'd have thunk they could find 11 good footballers in a land of a billion people)
I'm no good at either dear
I love you x
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