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why

siting on the stair bottle in hand looking off in space wondering what is this place
headlights find you
hearts grow cold

the bang of feet a top a step
knock on your head
blood in your ear
faces all a glare
water from the bottle breaking on the step
blue and red lights that take you away

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    March 1, 2008

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    This is really interesting, it makes me want to know more of the story. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.

    ♥
    whisper

  • opean
    February 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    All your poems are great really good for someone so young


  • nobody knows me
    February 23, 2008
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    Thankyou for entering my contest good luck x

  • strangerforeigner
    February 23, 2008

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    This is quite a good poem, but he style is much more harsh than I am looking for in this contest. Thanks for entering, but I'm going to have to dq you. Sorry!


  • luna-midnight gold member
    February 17, 2008
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    i liek the descriptions in this, great job! stephanie =)
    good luck in the contest =)


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    February 7, 2008

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    I know how it is to feel that way, I have grown up with aggressive person and it's not a nice thing to go through. This reminds me of a child witnessing something from parents fighting.


  • CherryOnTop
    February 2, 2008

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    Yes this is being at someones mercy and talking about a bad night. I am sure it took sometime to regroup from this.Thank you and good luck in my contest.

  • eveline
    February 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Really interesting, I feel like you have a lot of potential to grow as a writer. Just don't stop writing.

    You might want to change the font color- since its black it's impossible to read without highlighting- and that's really distracting. But you have thoughtful imagery here, I like the "water from the bottle breaking on the step"

    Also you might want to change the spacing to fit the poem a little better, with a few shorter lines, or break it into stanzas. haha, I know that's a lot of criticism but that's because I think this can be better. Nicely done

    -evelilne.

1 - 12 of 12